ClickClickBeepBeepHonkHonk

I have been trying to think of a witty way of sharing my MRI experience this afternoon. First, I have to say that the anxiety/anticipation of everything so far is way worse than the reality of it. So that means just be in denial until it happens and then everything isn't that bad. right? LOL
With the fact that I didn't think it was that awful in mind- let me see if I can walk you through what happens with a breast cancer MRI with a little sense of humor. I know that's just what you always wanted. And that just happens to be the kind of service I can provide. ;)
First, a simple questionnaire. You know standard stuff like your name, birth date, do you have any metal objects of any kind in your body? Something we should all ask ourselves once in a while.
Then back into a tiny changing room you go. Down to your undies, you put on 2 gowns (like one of the puppies isn't sexy enough?) and the most amazing blue clown pants you've ever seen. {I am so taking these home to wear for Brett} You are looking and feeling good, my friend! LOL
They take you through several huge, locked, password-protected doors. It's pretty much like what I would imagine being led to maximum security would feel like. By now you feel all safe and protected OR freaked and trapped? Guess it's your choice.
Then comes my favorite...  needles! Aren't IVs so great!? Not to mention it being held on by some major sticky tape. Oh Lucky day! They pump your arm full of an ice cold glass of water (oh, I mean Gadolinium, a contrast agent [isn't that supposed to be a flower or something?]). At least that's what it feels like rushing up your arm and into your chest. Whew- brrrrrr!
Now for the relaxing part? After dead bolting us all into the room (cuz someone may try to get in?) you lay face down on the massage table. Oh Oops! wrong place- I mean the Morg bed? A home-made ponytail out of medical tape, little smashing and positioning, some more tape on the IV, then hold absolutely still. "You comfy there, Mrs. Seamons?" "Ummm.... perfect, thank you!" Now we're just gonna push you back into this itty bitty tube and leave you here all alone. Okie Dokie? And remember- don't move at all! OK? Ubetcha!
At first,the monotonous swoosh swoosh swooosh swooosh swooosh in the background lends you to believe this may actually be a relaxing 20 minutes. HaHaHaHa! Just as you begin to settle into the rhythm....
beepbeepbeepbeep  beepbeepbeepbeep   beepbeepbeepbeep   beepbeepbeepbeep   beepbeepbeepbeep    beepbeepbeepbeep beepbeepbeepbeep beepbeepbeepbeep
clickclick   clickclick   clickclick   clickclick   clickclick    clickclick clickclick clickclick dadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadada SILENCE  swooshswooshswooshswoosh   HONKHONKHONK   beepbeepbeepbeep beepbeepbeepbeep beepbeepbeepbeep    dadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadada   SILENCE  swooshswooshswooshswoosh  clickclick clickclick clickclick clickclick clickclick clickclick clickclick clickclick  HONKHONKHONK .......
And that's just the first 30 seconds! LOL So much for catching up on my beauty sleep? LOL
They did unlock the door and come in at the 13 minute mark to pour a gallon of ice cold water up my arm . They are so thoughtful!
My question is... how does becoming deaf help you get a better picture of your breasts? I'm just saying...
They finally pulled me out of the tube and helped me sit up. My face ended up looking like I just stepped out of a tanning bed. A beautiful shade of dark pink to go with my new color phase. They gave me a free waxing of my arm hair and a nice purple tourniquet LOL! before they let me off the table. Can't imagine what I would have gotten had I been a paying costumer. (What do you mean they're charging me for all of this?)
They led me back to my little holding cell (I mean dressing room) and told me to have a nice day. Don't know if any of you have ever tried to get dressed by yourself with one arm completely straight and in a purple tourniquet but let's just say I AM amazing!
Of course, the front desk lady was so understanding and sympathetic-NOT! LOL But I'm gonna let that one go with the fact that she was very young and it was the end of the day. She told me I should know the results by Thursday. If not, I should call. The results? Oh no! Maybe they're gonna tell me I have cancer? LOL

Cuz I know you're dying to see the sexy blue clown pants-
Victoria graciously came to your rescue. Enjoy!