Mini Freak Out & Goodbye Boobs!

Here I sit at the end of a very busy few days. Frustrated, tired, a bit nervous, and unfortunately a little LOL-ed out! So you'll have to choose where to laugh all on your own this time. ;) I have been working hard on getting my home and family ready for the Momma to be out of commission for the next month or so. Organizing, cleaning, picking up eye wear, exchanging eye wear, getting school supplies, catching up the blog (didn't quite make it to all of that. Dang!), buying button-up shirts for post-op attire, trying to get a working cell phone without starting a new contract, doing laundry, throwing a kickball party, yelling at Walmart employees, etc. Ya know- just checking things off the list.
My LAST day [Today] was a very frustrating day that started with Justice puking in the toilet early this morning. Then every errand we did took hours longer than planned. Arrrggg! Like our family pictures session at Portrait Innovations [they turned out way cute and I spent too much]. Verizon Wireless took forever and required an extra stop at the battery shop. Let's not talk about Walmart (rude lady)! Seriously it makes me all worked up thinking about it! Then, Vision World to fix Liberty's glasses that I had already picked up yesterday. And then the piles I just can't finish in the basement.{I'm too tuckered out} Finally, the fabulous day ended with Glory feeling a bit warm and falling asleep on the couch at 7:45 pm. Poor baby is gonna be sick tonight. Dang! Oh well! That's life, I guess. I keep thinking I've learned my lesson about letting go of being in charge. But obviously Heavenly Father thinks I still need a fine tuning. Whew! I better learn faster!
I haven't let myself process the upcoming surgery much because frankly there is nothing I can do about it so why worry? But it's amazing how as it raced up on me that I have to keep reminding myself to breathe deeply. I had Brett do a late night McDees run for a large fry, drank a big container of apple juice {I can't eat or drink anything after midnight}, scrubbed myself down with my surgical soap during my shower and now I just want to get a blessing and crawl into bed to sleep forever. Unfortunately, Brett and I have to be up at the hospital at the bright and early hour of 6 freakin' o'clock! I'm not really nervous about being boob-less (although I can't remember back to when I didn't have them. So maybe I should be?) but the recovery process is freaking me out! Blood, stitches, bandages, pain, drugs, staying in the hospital for a couple days, stuck in bed, bags to drain, not lifting my arms above my shoulders for a couple weeks, sleeping on my back {I am a side sleeper with my arm under my head. I have no idea how I'm gonna sleep the next couple weeks!}, not lifting more than 10 lbs for 4-6 weeks, and who knows what else this Cancer thing is gonna throw at me. Seriously! I am gonna go crazy!
Ok- There I go again- freakin out!
"Breathe deeply, Shay! Say a pray and go to bed! God is in charge. And He'll take care of it. He always does and He's promised you several times in blessings you've received through the Priesthood that you will have the health and strength to make it through this. Have faith and trust Him"
Oh great! I'm already talking to myself without drugs. We're in big trouble!

Don't know when I'll be back to blogging but I will try to be back as soon as I can! I know you don't know it now but you're gonna miss me! See you soon!

Oh yes and one last thing.... Goodbye Boobs! Brett will miss you!

"I'm Gonna Love You Through It"

My Uncle Bud shared this with me while we were visiting in UT. 

It's about a Husband that helped his wife through her Breast Cancer Journey. 

It's beautiful! Thought I'd share it with you. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxIt70j_SPk

She dropped the phone and burst into tears
The doctor just confirmed her fears
Her husband held it in and held her tight
Cancer don't discriminate or care if you're just 38 34
With three four kids who need you in their lives
He said, "I know that you're afraid and I am, too
But you'll never be alone, I promise you"

When you're weak, I'll be strong
When you let go, I'll hold on
When you need to cry, I swear that I'll be there to dry your eyes
When you feel lost and scared to death,
Like you can't take one more step
Just take my hand, together we can do it
I'm gonna love you through it.

She made it through the surgery fine
They said they caught it just in time
But they had to take more than they planned

Now it's forced smiles and baggy shirts
To hide what the cancer took from her
But she just wants to feel like a woman again
She said, "I don't think I can do this anymore"
He took her in his arms and said "That's what my love is for"

When you're weak, I'll be strong
When you let go, I'll hold on
When you need to cry, I swear that I'll be there to dry your eyes
When you feel lost and scared to death,
Like you can't take one more step
Just take my hand, together we can do it
I'm gonna love you through it.

And when this road gets too long
I'll be the rock you lean on
Just take my hand, together we can do it
I'm gonna love you through it
I'm gonna love you through it.

Along with that, I would like to thank my dear Hubby for his love, patience, wisdom and laughter through my own Cancer Journey. He has been a rock through all of it. Together- we have laughed, cried, about pee-d our pants, been frustrated, confused, comforted, lifted, strengthened, and truly blessed. I know we still have a long road to go but I wouldn't want to travel down it with anyone else.
Brett- You are an amazing man! The most amazing man I have ever known. I truly have been blessed beyond words to have the privileged to have you as my companion. You put up with a whole lot of crap and always point out the positive in every situation. I have no idea where I would be without you. You are "the man"! I hope you know that  even if you become a "fat, ugly slob" or end up "half the man you used to be", you'll still be loved by a flat chested, beautiful woman (even if you think we look like the new gay couple on our Sunday walks). LOL Love you always and forever! XOXO!

Herceptin #5 (of possibly 12?)

We got back late last night from vacation but early this morning I headed up to the Roger Maris Cancer Center for another treatment. I am scheduled to return every three weeks to get a 1/2 hour IV drip of Herceptin.
I had to get my blood drawn beforehand to get my numbers for surgery next week. So it was WAY early for me. ;) After the lab, I borrowed an iPad again from the front desk to do a little blogging while I was there. Good thing cuz I was there a VERY long time!

Tia was my nurse in the Infusion Center today. It was fun to see her again. She did a fabulous job on my IV this time. But she kept me all day! The hospital has a new system they are implementing and she was a little frazzled. She must have read something weird because she thought this was my 1st full dose Herceptin drip so she had me do a slow drip. It kept me there an hour and a half instead. Rrrrrrr! Are you serious? Oh well! What do you do? So I sat there for an hour and half blogging and getting my other arm squeezed every 30 minutes. Then she informed me that she'd have to keep me for observation for an hour. WHAT? You gotta be kidding me? Anywho- half the time had passed when I had to use the ladies room. When I got back, Tia was waiting for me looking very apologetic. She admitted that she didn't really need me there that long and got me unhooked quickly and sent me on my way. So funny! It all worked out fine and I told her I forgave her. ;) I'm nice like that! LOL Oh well, five down, seven to go! [I think] NOTE: The recommendation for Herceptin is every 3 weeks for one year. I am hoping to do some research and not do as many but we'll see how the surgery goes.

Last Trip Home to UTAH

We just spent a couple weeks in Utah visiting our family. We plan on this being our last trip home before we move to Columbia. We had a great time! See our family blog for all the juicy details but thanks to all the family that made time to be with us. We love you!
Here's a few highlights of our trip:

Swimming at Cherry Hill

Visit with Bestemor at the Splash Park

The Gateway

The Alpine Slide

Dinner up the Canyon

City Creek Fountains

Catching Fish

Lehi Foam Days

Letting off Fireworks

Dinner @ Crump's

Seamons Dinner @ the Rasmussens 

Church with Shauna at the JS Building

Dinner at the Sadlers

Donuts at "This is the Place" Park

Dinner @ Liberty Park

Pioneer Day Parade

Goodbye Dinner in Social Room

City Creek Lights in the Fountains

Group Hug Goodbye

Wife #11: One last wig! The Jenny Wig

This is one that my friend/Visiting Teaching Companion borrowed to me. 

After seeing the pictures, I think it's one of my favorites. Thanks Jenny!

Results: Followup (2nd) Ultrasound

Here's the Report:

Here's the pictures from the Ultrasound after my Chemo.

Follow-up Ultrasound

I got in for my followup Ultrasound this morning. The Nurse from the doctor's office gave me really bad directions. She totally sent me to the wrong place. I was SOOOO late to my appointment. Dang!
It turned out fun though because the exact same team that did my 1st Ultrasound and Biopsy did this one. It was fun to reminisce. I was so impressed how much they remembered about me. It was like catching up with old friends. And BONUS- I got to get a picture with them. So fun! When they did the Ultrasound, they said it was hard to find the cancer mass so Yeah for me! Thanks ladies!

I never got a picture with Dr. Goldenberg that did my Biopsy. I should have thought about it better. But sometimes I get embarrassed about asking for posers. LOL I was having a moment so I missed my chance. But thanks to him as well. Afterall, he was the one that started me on this Cancer Journey with his early morning phone call.

Dr. Bouton Appt: The Boob Plan

We had an appointment for early this morning with Dr. Boob Remover. He ended up running way late. Grrrrr! We thought maybe Dr. Panwalker had chatted with him and told him we were late to our last appointment. Maybe this was payback? [Although we were only 15minutes late- not 45!] He was great as usual once he got there. We went over options again with him. We have decided on a Bilateral Mastectomy. We have lots of reasons for this decision. These include...
1) The fact that I don't actually have much breasts left. LOL Having breast fed all 4 of my children, they sucked me dry. And I mean that literally. LOL Taking the little bit that is left, is really no big deal to me.
2) I do NOT want radiation! Let me say that again for added effectiveness. I DO NOT WANT RADIATION! Any kind of lumpectomy would require me to have the doctor suggest radiation as part of my treatment. Kucky! No thank you!
3) I would also like to not take Tamoxifen for 5 years. There is a chance that if after removing both breasts (and if it is NOT in my lymph nodes) that I may be able to opt out of that fun experience. For me, it's worth giving up both my boobies to avoid all the side effects of that drug. Say a prayer for me that the cancer has stayed in it's place.
4) There is a possibility of having only my right breast removed but with my "mature" breasts I now posses, any work done to one side would make it impossible to match the other without significant work. Fairness issues is something I struggle with and things matching is really important to me. If anything- we might as well start with a clean slate.
5) As far as reconstruction, we have opted to do nothing. With me being so young (I'm NOT old, don't ya know) they guarantee that I would have to have them replaced once perhaps twice in my lifetime. Are you crazy? No thank you to that as well. Believing in the Resurrection, I believe that after this life I will be given a perfected body. I'm getting perfect ones back anyways. No reason to mess with extra surgeries, excessive stretching of my skin, silicone, etc. I'll just buy a few awesome Mastectomy bras and a few different sizes and be set. I'm an options girl anyways. What size chest would I like to have today? LOL

We scheduled our Surgery forWednesday, August 1st. That gives us a chance to go on vacation, get my next dose of Herceptin, get a few things done and then go under the knife. He went over a few details which now I can't remember. Oh well! I'll be asleep for it anyhow. I do know he said to plan on being in surgery for 3-5 hours depending on if he can get another surgeon to do the other side at the same time. Then he told me about the "drains" and the time frame of recovery. The killer for me was that he said I won't be able to lift more than 10 pounds for 4-6 weeks! OH. MY. HEAVENS! Does he know I am a Mother? and that I am trying to move? GRRRRRR! Oh well... Here's some more patience (& I am NOT in control here) lessons staring me in the face. Oh joy!
Dr. Bouton Boob Remover wants me to get another Ultrasound and some blood work before then. I'll keep you updated about those.

A Bit of Skin Coloring: IV Bruise

It's not a tan but it is a bit of color for my very white skin. LOL Here's the lovely coloring that Nurse Tia gave me at my last Chemo. She blamed me for ruining her "one poke" streak. I told her I had to make sure she remembered me. She laughed and remarked that THIS is not why she would be remembering me. [She was actually the nurse that scheduled my very first Chemo right after I had my IUD removed. And yes- I did use my "yanked out" line on her. LOL see Fertile Myrtle & a Wad of Mula.] I guess that's the memory of me she will always have engraved on her heart! Oh joy!

Freedom to Choose

With it being the 4th of July, I thought I would express my gratitude for my freedom to choose.
My freedom to choose....
* my own cancer treatment plan
* my attitude about trials
* which hair I will wear today.

I am one lucky girl!

Breakfast in Bed & Life made Easy

Thanks to my dear Hubby that took care of me through my hard days of this last Chemo. He would get up with the kids and let me sleep in. Then at some point, he would sneak in a little tray of food for me to have when I woke. What a good boyfriend he is! XOXO Thanks Honey! 

Also, how cute is this? My cute, thoughtful sister-in-law and her family sent me a care package. It's the Quick and Easy Dish Cleanup Kit. Just my style! I love it! So great! Thanks Rasmussens. You are awesome! We luv and miss you guys. They even sent a game for us to play as a family. We are so excited! Aren't family/friends wonderful???

Craters in my Dry Feet

I know... "Put on some lotion, Woman!" But this Chemo side effect doesn't even let me air dry before it hits. Poor little piggies! (OK... it's what my little piggies are attached to but still they are pretty sad!) The pictures don't even do it justice. The skin that peeled off my heels made huge craters. Aren't our bodies amazing they can heal from things like this?? AMAZING, I tell you!

I love Glory's face in this one! LOL