Chemo Fairy Strikes Again

Thanks to my cute Chemo Fairy! I love the flowers!

Mouth Issues

I thought I would update you on how things went and how I have felt during this 2nd Chemo round.

The weekend after, I was busy as usual (we are ParTay animals, you know?) and felt fine while I was on the steroid. The next few days off the steroid (these are usually my hardest days- just being really tired), Brett went out of town. But don't think I was left without being taken care of. ;) My Life Coordinator is amazing!!!! She schedule for someone to take Glory every day ALL day. And also someone to pick the other kids up after school and keep them all until bedtime. I just slept and watched movies and blogged. There were people who came and brought me either lunch or dinner almost every day. People are so kind! I am blown away with their kindness. To tell you the truth- I was so excited when someone came by. I totally appreciated the help with the kids but being the social butterfly that I am- it got pretty lonely! So when someone came I just wanted them to stay! Thanks to those who called and chatted or came by and visited. I really appreciated it!
Brett got back on Wednesday night in time for Mutual and then didn't get back until late. Luckily, I started feeling better by then. And besides I had to gear up for our Marathon Partay Weekend Plus. Holy Talito- were we busy! Check out all our fun on our other blog- http://snomaes.blogspot.com/! (See Thursday, May 24th through June 2nd)
Other than wanting a couple naps (but that was because we were running all day) and my need to invest in a hand lotion company, LOL- things went really well. Way better than the head cold of my first Chemo round. Yeah!
Well... that was until I got Mouth Sores! I may have bit my cheek (can't remember) but regardless I ended up with a big sore on the inside of my right cheek. It turned all white and was the size of a dime or bigger. Then I had a few places along my gum line that got some red swollen sores. Ouch! But the worst part was a few sores that developed on the left side of my tongue. Oh my heavens! It hurt so badly! I couldn't eat anything unless I dosed myself up on Ibuprofen a half an hour before a meal and even then it was way painful. (I LOVE to eat food. It was so sad!) Not sure if it was because I was trying to keep my tongue from touching anything but I ended up developing a surplus of saliva. Let me tell you- there's nothing as sexy as a slobbering, bald woman! LOL Luckily drinking was still OK. Thanks to my heros, the Larsens for the awesome smoothie. It was a life saver!
I did try the usual baking soda/salt water rinse but I think I waited too long to try this to make it effective. I was going to wait until Monday to call the RMCC for some help. But the pain was so bad- I called them Friday instead. So glad I did! They prescribed me some Magic Mouthwash. Did you even know there was such a thing? Get this- It contains Benadryl, Lidocaine and Nystatin! Whew! Those are some crazy stuff!

Diphenhydramine - an antihistamine to reduce inflammation

Lidocaine - a local anesthetic to relieve pain

Nystatin- an antifungal for candidiasis

If you have ever had dental work done and had the shot to numb a certain part of your mouth- then you can sympathize with me. Every time that I swoosh that stuff- the entire inside of my mouth and my tongue goes numb for 5-10 minutes. But at least I couldn't feel the pain. LOL It took a couple days- but I am starting to feel better. Hallelujah! The sores on my tongue are all gone. YEAH!!! The ones are my gums are almost gone and the spot on my cheek isn't white anymore. Can't tell if it's getting better but it doesn't hurt as badly anymore so we'll say it is! All I care is that it is better before Friday when we pump me full of more poison. Let's pray for that!
Last thing before I end this very wordy post. Oops! Sorry! LOL
For anyone who knows me- I am not a DRUG person. I take a few Ibuprofen here and there for a headache and the occasional daily vitamin when Brett makes me ;) but other than that- I don't like to take anything. One of the bummer-ist things about cancer for me is needing to use so many things to feel normal. AND I take NOTHING in comparison to other cancer patients! (remember? I only have a little bit of cancer) Steroids, Chemo drugs, an anti-nausea prescription which fortunately I haven't needed, daily Ibuprophen, major lip moisturizer, lots of hand lotion, Prilosec (for last time), Magic Mouthwash, and let's just say- the makers of Tucks and Preparation H are my heros!!! (I know- TMI!) LOL

Wife #4: The Dirty Blonde (curly)

I did a lot of research on the web and finally found a great price on a "real" hair wig. I just couldn't make myself pay $1000 for the one I liked here in town. Ouch! Unfortunately this one was made and sent from China and took over a month to get here. Slow boat or something?? But now that it's here, it's kind of fun. (It's definitely not the kind of quality of the ones that Violet sells but I just like the variety and really wanted one I could style without spending a fortune) Here's with it all curled. After I wash it again I'll style it straight and get pictures of that up.

Shedding my Thick Skin

Just FYI, I'd like to share with you a little definition. Isn't it interesting that one little word (ok, one long hyphenated word) can be so multifaceted? LOL

thick-skinned  (thĭk'skĭnd') adj.

1. Having a thick skin or rind.

2. Not easily offended.

3. Largely unaffected by the needs and feelings of other people; insensitive.

I read somewhere that Chemo can cause your nails to fall off. YUCK! I am on a very low dose of the whimpiest chemo but it still makes me a bit nervous. So I thought I would document my beautiful, long nails before anything happens. I do like to be prepared! LOL
My smooth, long fingered hands BEFORE:

Well fortunately my nails are hanging in there. But unfortunately I have developed a bit a leprosy or something. ;) The week after a chemo treatment I can't seem to keep my poor fingers from shedding. I can put mega-moisturizer on them every hour and I still end up looking icky. What a pain! But i am grateful that it is leaving my nails alone. Let's pray it stays that way! ;) Here's parts of my hands SHEDDING my 1. thick skin:

Also interesting to go along with my little "shedding my thick skin" analogy.

I am admitting that I am not always a fun loving positive person everyday. In fact, I'm sure that my little family could complain tell you some pretty persuasive stories to the contrary. Dang! Gotta work on that. But in my defense, after my diagnosis, I worked really hard to be a little more soft spoken and flexible. That worked great for a bit. Unfortunately with each chemo, my old tendencies are returning. My poor hubby gets the brunt of my 2. easily offended chemo PMS (that's what I call my irrational, rude behavior). Whew! Hopefully I can work through that. Sorry to my cute little family!

Lastly, going through this Adventure has made me 3. largely affected by the needs and feelings of other people and hopefully a bit more sensitive those that go through medical issues. Because I have never had any major health issues, I was in the dark with how to react and what to do for people that were. I am hoping that this was God's way of allowing me to help out those in the future that face challenges. Tough way to learn that lesson but something I can do if it's His plan.
Here's one last picture of what happens to the back of my hands if I don't keep them moisturized. Crazy!

Follicly Challenged Finally!

We have totally laughed because the Day 10-14 from my first Chemo (that's the "normal" time frame for Chemo patients hair to fall out), has come and gone. In fact, I have had my 2nd Chemo treatment already, teased the doctor about it and was even growing hair back. How crazy is that???

My GI Jane look

Around Day 26 (from my 1st Chemo) I started to notice a one tiny little patch on the side of my head that was beginning to fall out. Kinda silly!

Over the next couple days, the sides began to thin but only if I wiped them off with my face cleaning pads. You couldn't really even notice except it was starting to be buggy. All those little hairs falling on my neck and face were very itchy!!!! I have way more sympathy now for all those times Justice fought me cutting his hair cuz all the little hairs were bugging him. Amen, Buddy!

I had heard that you should use a warm washcloth and wipe it off as it started coming out in order to get rid of it. So, I think it was on Day 28 that I took a shower with my washcloth for the purpose of trying to rid myself of all this hair. Let's just say- GROSS! Every time I wiped more would come out. The entire bottom rim of the tub was filled with tiny black hairs. Kucka! And it didn't even look like I had taken out any. I'm always telling people I have tons of hair but no one believes me! LOL Can you imagine if I had had my 12" of long, blonde hair. So disgusting! Well I finally gave up. I rinsed off all the hair from my body and from the tub. Then, I very careful got out, dried off everything but my head, put on a robe and stood outside leaning forward while Brett dried my head. Tons more hair came out. I ended up just sticking on my night cap so it wouldn't shed all over the place. I wore a cap or a wig for the next couple days and tried to ignore it. But then it was just too buggy.
On Day 30, not much hair was coming off onto my washcloth but, I was able to get out tons of strands of hair by simply pulling on them. They just came right out. No pain or anything- just grossness! ;) I finally went to my dear hubby to help me out. We were trying to decide how the heck we could get rid of the rest when he suggested packing tape. Tape my head? OK, Why not??? So, Brett grabbed the roll of packing tape and helped me tape off my hair. It was pretty funny! Shauna and Liberty thought it was icky. Every time Brett pulled off a new strip of tape- it was covered with hair. We laughed at the skunk stripe/reverse mohawk he gave me down the back. Too funny! After probably 50 or more times all that was left was a thin layer of blonde peach fuss. How did that happen? Where was that hiding? Shauna said it looked like a halo. Ahhhhh!

By the next day, I had to shave the peach fuss off. It was too weird and there was still a couple dark hairs left! So let the record show that on Day 31, I finally became Follicly Challenged! Nothing like me making up my own time schedule. At least we didn't shave my head in vain. LOL Here's the end result:

Lullaby of the Cement Haulers

Here we are again into the most uncomfortable days of my Chemo treatment- day 3-5. If I was sleeping right now, it would be no big deal. But Brett is out of town for couple of days. (Just so he doesn't get a bad rap- I take full responsibility. I am the one that told him he should go. This is his favorite part of his job and I don't want him to miss out on work too much just cuz "I have Cancer", ya know! LOL Besides, my perfectly coordinated life allowed for friends to take kids to school, watch Glory during the day, pick the kids up from school, watch them all evening, feed them dinner, bring me some dinner and then have someone drop the kids back at home for bed. I have been totally spoiled! I actually have been a bit bored. I ended up cleaning bathrooms, doing laundry, deep cleaning the kids bedrooms, and binding a quilt during the hours I was up yesterday.)
OK, sorry I got sidetracked.... back to the point of this post. So after a really long, sleepless night (seriously- how can the clock moved so slow from 11pm to 5am?),  I got up at 7:20 to get the kids started this morning. Kids dressed- check. Morning prayers- check. Bowls of cereal in their tummies- check. Hair combed- check [at least on most of them]. Teeth brushed- check. Backpacks- mostly check. Out the door- check. Mother of the year award- here I come! I totally deserve a gold star for today and it wasn't even 8 am! ;)
Since Glory was still sleeping (such a good little kid), I decided to crawl back into bed and sleep until she got up. Especially since my best sleeping times seem to be during the hours of 6 am- 11am. Unfortunately for me, our neighbors are having their driveway and garage floor redone. Here we are bright and early and the workers are on the job. And so conveniently working right out my bedroom window. Who knew that chainsaws, jack hammers, men throwing wood beams at the side of my house, and bobcats hauling cement away wouldn't make for a great lullaby??
I have to admit that I may have cursed a few times under my breathe. Oops! The thought even crossed my mind to open my window and use the CANCER card on them. "Excuse me, could you be more quiet-  I HAVE CANCER!!!!!!!!" But... instead I'll just blog about it. And maybe when these mean men take a break and I get a little nap, I will repent of my bad thoughts towards them and maybe even laugh about the memories.

A Prayer in Each Square

Some of my dear friends recently brought over a very thoughtful gift. They have made the most magnificent Cancer Quilt you've ever seen. All done in pinks & reds (did you know red is my favorite color?), each square contains a heart with a name or a scripture embroidered on it. They have very thoughtfully documented so many of those here in Fargo or those that I have met here that are praying for me in this Adventure. How sweet is that? The nurses and other patients at Chemo are totally gonna be jealous! LOL Thank you so much to the awesome quilting ladies (You are amazing!) and to those whose names are on my quilt. It means so much to me and my family to have such a fabulous group of friends whose extra prayers we can count on. We love you all so much! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

The card read: "Sending happy thoughts just for you...  ...today and every day. 'We hope you use this quilt, each heart representing a friend or a scripture, to envelope yourself during your Chemo and remember all the support and prayers coming your way.' With Love, Brooke, Linda and Patty"

PS Our Quilter friend, Betty has been quilting Brooke & my quilts for the last several years. Brooke had called her for suggestions on a quilt design. After the ladies completed the quilt, Betty called and told them to bring it over becuase she wanted to quilt it for me. (for free) How great are people? Thanks Betty! The quilting is beautiful. I love it!

My "little" bit of cancer!

I have a confession to make- I have been feeling a little bit guilty lately. I have been doing some reading of some Cancer Journey blogs, talked to people who have gone through cancer, seen some pretty horrific pictures on the Internet of Cancer strugglers Survivors and talked to others that have lost someone to cancer. Did you know that cancer can really suck???
The reason I am feeling guilty is because here in my own Cancer Adventure- life is really pretty good. So am I trying to figure out if that's because of my attitude OR because I only have "just a little bit of cancer". Maybe I have no idea what it's like to really have cancer. You can laugh (and let's knock on wood cuz I am very happy with my little bit of cancer and don't wish to have more than I do just to say I've been there- done that) but I do feel like a bit of a fraud saying I am dealing with cancer. Sure- there's a little lump in my right breast of abnormally dividing cells but it is really tiny and hasn't spread anywhere. Sure I am sporting a GI Jane hairdo- but that was my birthday present to myself and self inflicted I might add. Sure I am having Chemo treatments but that's just letting me reinact one of my favorite Vampire movies and nothing that I haven't been able to handle. Sure there are a couple days that I need a few extra naps and someone to bring me lunch and dinner and watch my kids but who can't use that once in a while? And for sure, my friends and I are having way too much fun with all our personal Cancer jokes and delving into the dark pink side! To tell you the truth- this Cancer thing has been a bit more like a ParTay than anything. See how guilt could become a problem?
I have been informed by my Life Coordinator however that saying I have just a little bit of cancer is like someone saying that they are a little bit pregnant. And apparentently "you can NOT be just a little bit pregnant"! LOL
For what it's worth though- I thank God everyday for my "little bit of cancer"!

Date with Space(wo)man: Chemo Day #2

***Disclaimer: Holy Crap! This is a really long post! But it was a really eventful day and I'm a talker so you'll just have to deal with it. Or do what Brett does and just look at the pictures! LOL***

My 2nd Date with the Space(wo)man was very different from my first. Still an Adventure but just with a lot more excitement. If that's what you can call it. LOL The first difference was that Brett went to work this time and KBro came up with me instead. She willingly sacrificed for an amazing all-day Girls Day Out with me. She's such a great selfishless friend! Also- Thanks Robbie for taking all our crazy little girls for the day. You're awesome!
We first met with Dr. Panwalker. He asked me all about how the last treatment affected me and we laughed how it was my seasonal allergies that were the worst part. He was very please that everything else went well. We went over my ANC (don't ask me what that stands for but it has to do with my blood count. It has to be at least 1500 for them to administer the next Chemo treatment.) Before any Chemo, my ANC was 5700. I had my blood drawn yesterday and the results said my magic number is 4900 this time. Not bad, I think. Then, I teased Dr. Panwalker that I had a bone to pick with him. I told him how I shaved my head but I haven't lost any yet. In fact it seems to be growing back. He said no way! He's never had a patient that hasn't lost their hair. He was not very sympathetic! He said to just wait cuz it's coming out. FINE! I'll be patient! LOL
He did do a breast exam and said that the lump seems to be half the size. That means the Chemos doing it's job. Yeah Chemo! Before he walked us down to the Infusion Center, I gave him the button I made for him. "I wear PINK for my Patients. Go TEAM SHAY!" He told us he guesses he's gonna have to find some pink to wear. (Although isn't that the point of my button. Silly guy!) KBro and I gave him a whole list of possibilities- shirts, ties, pants, hats, underwear, socks, (I even said I had a pair he could use). He didn't seem to like any of our suggestions. How rude! LOL He did say he would look into buying a pink tie. He's such a good man. ;) When we got to the Infusion center, I asked him how he felt about pictures. He said he was fine with it so we handed KBro the camera. Yeah... for the record- I am going to need to get an official TEAM SHAY photographer to come up with me as well. Don't get me wrong Kristen is an amazing Life Coordinator but as a photographer- not so much! Who knew that pushing one tiny button would be so difficult. Good thing that she has lots of other talents. I think it took her five times to get this shot. But at least we got one! Oh how I love that woman!

Back in the Infusion Center, I saw Nurse Katie from last time. She came over and gave me a hug. She said she loved my brunette wig! (She is really the only one who even knows me back there as a blonde. I get a kick out of the shock factor of "what will Shay look like next". It's kind of fun, I have to admit!) I gave her my little button gift and she told me she'd come check on me later. I just love the Chemo nurses! With my button collection, we are gonna turn everyone into an honorary members of TEAM SHAY by the end of this! Modesty is a virtue I truly possess! LOL
I was extra lucky and got to have 2 Chemo nurses today. Yeah for me! I made sure both got a "I wear pink for mt Patients. Courtesy of TEAM SHAY" button to wear. Go TEAM SHAY!
We started out by getting to know Nurse Julie. Kind of fun but somehow we got talking about religion. We told her that we belonged to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Turns out that we have a mutual friend. Julie's daughter is best friends with my good friend, Lisa McKee's daughter. It's such a small world. It kind of bonded us so she came back several times to check on me. I love it when that happens. We spent most of our time with Julie waiting for my pre-meds to come in. Don't they know we are on a schedule here?? LOL We also chatted a lot about how my cancer's working out so well for everyone. We use it as a good excuse for everything- getting out of things, buying things, getting extra sympathy or a few extra GNOs. I even think Kristen is using that line way more than me. "Cuz you know, Shay has cancer!" LOL KBro and I are SO funny! We did a lot of laughing and joking around. I love it!

Our 2nd Chemo nurse was Nurse Carrie. She was just as great! She came in after the pre-meds to start the Chemo drugs. She fell in love with KBro and I right from the beginning. See- modesty is my strong point. LOL We talked about life, babies, boobs, movies, and just about everything. I just love making new friends. It truly was a great Date with Space(wo)man #2! Thanks lady!

Here comes the EXCITEMENT part of today. Remember that last time, I sailed right through my treatment. Well... this time we got started with the Docetaxol Chemo drug. Nothing to worry about. We're all good, right? Carrie stepped out for a bit and the Massage Therapist came in. She offered to give me a free foot massage. Who passes up a thing like that? Not me! We were chatting and getting my feet rubbed when my heart started racing a bit and I was having trouble breathing. I figured I was just talking too much so I decided to shut up for a minute to catch my breathe. Then my vision went a bit blurry and my face felt like it was beginning to swell. I interrupted Kristen to tell her that I wasn't feeling very well and could she go get my nurse. Kristen stuck her head out the door and asked the nurses if they could get Carrie for us. They said she was in with another patient. Then Kristen turned on her Authoritative IRS voice and said something like- "We need a nurse in here now!" The rest is a bit of a blur. Let's just say that we can add Life Saver to Kristen's life resume!
Really though, how many people does it take to save a chemo-reaction cancer patient's life? Apparently 5 nurses, a Life coordinator, a massage therapist doing a foot massage and a little red box! LOL I believe this is what happened- (although I can NOT be quoted by anything said after this point because I was really drugged by now) Somehow 5 nurses came rushing into the room all at the same time. They immediately stopped the Docetaxel drip. They put the oxygen thingy up my nose and an oxygenation (is that a word?) monitor on my finger. Then I believe they pumped me full of some magic drugs from the red box while they all were rubbing me, asking me questions, jotting down notes of my symptoms and perhaps freaking out a little. At least more than I was. LOL  I believe this is when the Massage Therapist made a silent exit. I felt bad I didn't get to give her a button. Maybe she'll come back next time. ;)
From my perspective this was what it felt like- It started with some chest pain, my heart was fluttering pretty bad, I was trying to breathe deeply but it came out in small tiny gulps of air, my face felt warm and felt like it had swollen to twice it's size (I felt a little embarrassed by the thought of what I looked like to everyone with my face like the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man), I couldn't really see very well so I just closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on my breathing, my lower back felt like I was having labor pains (I thought I was finished with that crap) and I really couldn't think coherently. Apparently, I'm even funnier when I am practically brain dead and really doped up on drugs. LOL I do remember one nurse coming in the room and looking at me. I heard her say,"Whoa!" and she visibly stepped back. She told me that my face was the color of the red box. Well, red IS my favorite color, don't ya know! It all happened so fast that I never really had time to panic. It seemed to me to pass pretty quickly. Carrie finally did come back and said, "What happened?- I was only gone for a short bit." I responded by telling her I didn't feel like the nurses at the desk were doing enough. I didn't want anyone to get bored. We all had a good laugh.

The RED Box that saved my life!

Looking back now, I realized that Carrie was pretty nervous so maybe I should have been to. But that's not really my thing in this Adventure called Breast Cancer so I wasn't. She said she was going to go talk to Dr. Panwalker about if he wanted to try it again. I told her that I would have a pep-talk with my Chemo drug while she was gone so it would understand it wasn't following the plan very well. When she came back, she reported that Dr. Panwalker wanted to try it again. I think that maybe she disagreed with him a tiny bit (maybe cuz if another reaction happened it would be her there saving my butt while he was eating a donut in his office or something. Being a doctor must be really rough! LOL). I reassured Carrie that I had had a little chat with the Chemo and if she gave me five more minutes I'd be ready. Our little misunderstanding with the Docetoxal threw our schedule off by about 30 minutes or longer. Cancer doesn't respect people's time frames very well. Really irritating! But we started it again as a slow drip until we passed the point of the the initial reaction (I think I only got 18ml in the first time). Carrie hung out with us until I got in 30 ml without any reaction. She kept rubbing my foot and saying, "How are you so calm? I think I'm more nervous than you."  I actually think that she was hoping that my crazy positive attitude and my weird calmness would flow to her as she rubbed my foot. If I moved at all she would freak out a bit. It was pretty funny cuz then I started doing things on purpose just to see her reaction! When she finally calmed down enough to leave, she told me that if I had any other pain to make sure I pushed the red button by the side of my bed. Well... first,  I could NOT see any red button. Remember, I was very drugged by this point. It just happened that the red button was on the end of a wire thing that was just out of my view. Who puts a red button there anyways? LOL Second, let me remind you that I had an IV in my left hand, a blood pressure cuff on my right arm, an oxygen tube up my nose, and oxygenation monitor on my right finger. Not really mobile at this point, people! So now I knew where the button was but seriously they wanted me to push the button with WHAT? My foot? I did an awesome yoga move to try to hit the button with my toe. I thought it was really funny!

Apparently, the extra drugs made me a little loopy- a severe case of Chemonesia, if you will! I was telling Kristen a story- It went something like this "So I was looking something up on a blog or the Internet or that little black box thing and oh crap! It's gone!" (My purpose of the story that is) Kristen started laughing so hard because I seriously didn't even take a breathe as I said, "Oh crap!" My thought process had completely left me. She tried to jog my memory but it was totally gone! We started laughing so hard, we began to cry. Do you know how hard it is to laugh with things up your nose? I had to hold my oxygen tube in as I laughed. We had several nurses come by to see what all the laughter was about. I think we might have to work on being a little more sensitive to the other cancer patients next time and keep our happiness to a minimum or at least a lower volume. Just in case you feel jipped that you missed this opportunity- go ahead and stick your fingers up your nose and laugh really hard. That's what it was like!
If you know me at all then you know how important I feel pictures are. There usually isn't a time that I don't have my camera on me. I was very proud of Kristen because in the midst of my near-death experience, she thought about taking a picture. But then she wasn't sure how appropriate it would be to ask the 5 nurses trying to save my life to move over so she could snap a picture. Therefore, she refrained. But it really is the thought that counts, right? I'm so proud of her! We did snap a picture after the craziness had subsided a bit. Unfortunately I think I look a little bit like a Dr. Seuss character; perhaps Thing 1 or Thing 2? Oh well! We can't all be photogenic ALL the time, right? {In the picture you can barely see the red button at the end of the wire hanging on the wall. Can you see how my angle is not helpful to see the dang thing?)

Once we made it through the Docetaxel (Yeah for me!), I decided I better use the restroom before we started the next Chemo drug. No reason to add bed-wetting to the next reaction if we can help it, right? LOL Carrie started unhooking all my extra things and then told me to sit up slowly and she' get me to the bathroom. I said OK but then in the same breathe asked her, "Did you say bathroom?" I swear that I might have heard her mention some kind of drug. You know like I'll get you some bathrydrum or something. Kristen totally started laughing at me again. Dang! Chemonesia is painful! They teased me that maybe I needed to be carried to the restroom. I asked if perhaps there was a good-looking male doctor or nurse that can carry me there. We couldn't find one on duty today so they made me walk. Mean! LOL They both held on to me pretty tight though and pushed my machine I was connected to as well. They wouldn't even let me lock the door and said they'd come in after me if I wasn't out in 5 minutes. I was feeling a bit like their confidence in my bathroom using ability was a little low. After I flushed twice (that's the rule for Chemo patients in the Infusion Center!), and was washing my hands, I finally figured out why I couldn't see very well. Turns out my "Bella-Wanna-Be" fetish got a little confused. Instead of the pupil of my eye turning red like hers, the entire whites of my eyes were blood-shot. No wonder everything was fuzzy. These crazy Chemo drugs that are trying to turn me into a Vampire are painful! I have a whole new level of sympathy for Mrs. Cullen. For the record though, I did make it out of the bathroom without them coming in after me and  I wasn't even molested. LOL Thank goodness KBro was there! If she hadn't been- there's no telling what may have happened.

The rest of the afternoon went fairly smoothly. I gave both the Cyclophosphamide and the Herceptin drugs a little pep talk and they both cooperated. We did have lots of visits from all our new Life Saving Chemo Nurse friends to check on us and make sure I was still alive. We were pretty popular. However in the midst of the craziness of the day, both Kristen and my cell phones died. So much for a Life Coordinator that makes sure we are all prepared. LOL Turns out we didn't call Becky about switching preschool to a different place. We didn't call Sean to tell him that his car was actually parked at the Church and not his home (oh- I take that back- we did leave a message on someone else's phone for him but had no idea if he even got the message). We chatted at Brett to tell him I had had a reaction but then told him we'd have to call him back which we never were able to do. Oops! We didn't call KBro's kids to tell them we weren't going to be there after school but we did manage to get a text off to Ethan to get home as soon as he can before my phone finally died. Oh what a day!

We finally got out of the hospital around 4, I think. With all the insanity that happened today, I was surprised that Kristen was a bit bummed that Jen N. will be coming with me to my next treatment. She told me to make sure I have her audition for the part to make sure she can handle it. You know ask her things like "So if I have a heartache or my face blows up or I completely turn into a Vampire- What do you do?" Cuz you know now that Kristen is a Cancer Patient Life Saver, she wants to make sure other people can do the job! All kidding aside though- I just love you Kristen. Thanks for coming with me today and for saving my life! XOXO!
2 down... 2 to go! Half way there, baby!

Love Notes

If you walk around my home, you will be privileged to see that there are Love Notes taped on almost every wall. Victoria is my artist and made this adorable Breast Cancer Love Notes for me. How sweet is she?

Also, she has been practicing writing at school. This was one of her stories she wrote lately:

"Today I am wering Pink. Pink is the Brest cancr culrr. My mom has Brest cansrr."

She's such a thoughtful, sweet girl. Luv ya, Chicka! XOXO

Wife #3 :The Curly Redhead

I wouldn't say that wigs are the most comfortable thing in the world but I am an OPTIONS girl so I'm loving the variety! One of my friends got me this cute red hat and along with my red curly halo [Halos are very inexpensive wigs that have no top to them. They are designed to let you wear hats without getting too warm. And with my new hat collection, they are perfect! LOL] wig, I look really cute! I'm thinking I need one of these wigs in blonde. Oh the options available to me. Who knew? I'm in heaven!

The Grass is Always Greener

I'm gonna go a little metaphorical on you today. Take from it what you will but... I've been thinking a lot lately about the saying "It's always greener on the other side"
What does that mean anyways? To me- it means that at any given moment someone else's life looks more appealing than what I'm going through. Believe me, I have said it or thought it way more than my fair share over the last 15 years! But not necessarily within the last 2 months. Now that's just weird, don't ya think?!
But it comes down to this-
There are those that say that the grass is greener on the other side. But the truth is that looks can be deceiving. Sure it may appear greener but how did that happen? How much work did they have to do to make it look like that? I'm not sure about you but I do not have a green thumb. In fact, live things (not people) die when they see me coming. LOL Maybe it's because the thought of all the soil prep, planting, watering, mowing, weed killing, fertilizing and repeating all of that over and over again makes me exhausted. But in reality- that's what it takes to make the grass green!
1- You gotta start with a good foundation- get the soil right before you even begin to plant anything. Who knew it could be impossible to ever get things to grow if there's too much sand or too much acid or not enough nutrients in the soil? What a pain! LOL I am so grateful for a firm, perfect foundation in Christ to build a "greener" life upon!
2- Next, planting grass that will eventually grow green- now that takes some thought of what you should plant and lots of time before you may see anything beautiful. The seeds don't come out of the bag green, ya know! It's gonna take time so PATIENCE is a virtue in green grass growing! I am grateful for the opportunity to ponder and think about those things I want in my life AND for a little patience (although I'm still working on that virtue. LOL) to watch it grow into what I know it can become.
3- Green grass is a LOT of work! A little bit of Crap- I mean fertilizer (trials perhaps?) along with some Sunshine (positive attitude), lots of water (constant nourishment) and some hard Work is what really makes the difference to whether your grass is green or not! I am grateful for the good, the bad, and the opportunity to work at my grass. You could say that because of all of that -it makes me appreciate when my grass looks green!
4- Repeat, Repeat, Repeat! Not my favorite action word but definitely a necessary one! There will be times that unexpected weeds pop up, dandelions grow (perhaps yellow is your favorite color? and they are such fun things for kids to pick for their Mommas BUT if not kept in check they spread like crazy and are a pain to get rid of), your grass may get a weird disease (can grass get cancer? LOL), or it gets patches that just seem to be dying. Why? Only you can figure that out! Asking the Master gardener for advice is the answer! And getting your hands a little dirty may be necessary! Well, I guess only if you want green grass! ;)
One thing I know for sure! It has taken a lot of hard work but I can honestly say

I am serious! Even with the weird disease that has infested our lawn- My grass is green and thriving! Can't tell you how grateful I am for that! It's all about having a little perspective. Stepping back a bit to see the whole picture rather than the little things. Even the greenest of grasses have a couple weeds, a few bald spots (oh that one makes me laugh!), and perhaps need a bit of watering. I am grateful that I WANT to be in my yard even if at times I need to stand on top of the fence to notice how green it really is! Hopefully you feel the same way about yours! ;)

Breaking the Rules

Here's a good chuckle for you today! At least, we are laughing here about it!
In 2 days I go to the RMCC for my 2nd Chemo treatment.  For most cancer patients, they are bald by their 2nd treatment. However, I have had NO hair loss at all. Well except for the fact that I shaved it all off! LOL I have no bald spots and no thinning anywhere. Actually we think it is growing back!

Just for the record, here are a few things I found online about Chemotherapy and Hair loss:

Hair loss occurs because chemotherapy targets all rapidly dividing cells—healthy cells as well as cancer cells. Hair follicles, the structures in the skin filled with tiny blood vessels that make hair, are some of the fastest-growing cells in the body. If you're not in cancer treatment, your hair follicles divide every 23 to 72 hours. But as the chemo does its work against cancer cells, it also destroys hair cells. Within a few weeks of starting chemo, you may lose some or all of your hair

Chemotherapy and hair loss: What should you expect?

Hair usually begins falling out one to three weeks after you start treatment. It could fall out very quickly in clumps or gradually. You'll likely notice accumulations of loose hair on your pillow, in your hairbrush or comb, or in your sink or shower drain. Your scalp may feel tender.
Your hair loss will continue throughout your treatment and up to a few weeks afterward. Whether your hair thins or you become completely bald will depend on your treatment.
It may take several weeks after treatment for your hair to recover and begin growing again. When your hair starts to grow back, it will probably be slightly different from the hair you lost. But the difference is usually temporary. Your new hair might have a different texture or color. It might be curlier than it was before, or it could be gray until the cells that control the pigment in your hair begin functioning again

 
Also, my doctor told me that for sure I'd be losing my hair. Not to say that it won't still happen but it is pretty stinkin' funny that I may be that small percentage that doesn't. LOL I'm such a rule breaker! Oh the humor we create around here! We are SO funny!!!

Español Practice

Brett continues to practice his Español to prepare for Colombia. You can often find him with earphones on listening to the news or Conference talks in Spanish. Lately, he has even been writing emails back and forth with Benji Smith for extra practice. Thanks Benji for helping him out! 
Brett's so diligent in his job. I love it! Unfortunately, I'm too lazy so guess when we do go- I'll be going blind (or is it mute?) LOL 

Would you like a Little Bed with your Pillows?

One of the side effects of Chemo for me is the necessity of lots of pillows to go to bed. LOL It's tough to get comfy and fall asleep so I have resorted to an assortment of pillows to aid in my rest. One for my head, one above my head to keep the top of my head warm, one for between my legs, my pink BC one for my neck (Thanks KBro!), one for my arms and then of course I have to have my body pillow. It's a bit hard to find my actual bed in the midst of all the pillows. LOL Dang Chemo!

Working Out those Toxins! (The Gift of Massage)

One of my good friends gave me an awesome gift this week. She gave me a gift certificate for a massage from another of our good friends. Yeah! I love massages! The first week after Chemo #1, I couldn't stand anyone to touch me but this week- hurrah! I couldn't wait. Marvia came over tonight to "work the toxins out of my body"! Loved it! Thanks lady- You're awesome! (And thanks Lisa- you're just as awesome! I just luv you ladies!)

PS In fact- I loved it so much, that's what I asked for for Mother's Day! A Chemo #2 Massage! Thanks to Brett & the kids. I'm totally gonna enjoy that gift! ;) Now I just gotta find someone else for Chemo #3 and #4 while Marvia's on maternity leave! Any suggestions?

Doctors, Shots and Cryers- Oh my!

Since we all have to have physicals done to get cleared to leave the country, Brett and the kids have been making visits to Dr. Card the past couple weeks. Luckily for me, Brett has made the time to accompany them. (Another bonus of having cancer, I must say)
We'll just say that there were doctors, there were shots, there was blood drawn and there were cryers. Oh my!
We just won't tell them that was just the beginning. The prep work for the "real" world travelers shots if you will. Does anyone else want to take them to those appointments? LOL

Chemo Fairy & Smoothie Makers

People are so thoughtful! They continue to amaze us. I can't even begin to post about all the kindness we have received but I'd like to share a few.

One night we came home to find this on our doorstep. It was a gift from the Chemo Fairy. The card read:

Also, I have had a really bad acid reflux feeling in my throat that has made it so any swallowing is painful. And food just doesn't taste good at all. The Larsens are Master Smoothie Makers and have been so kind to make me a batch to freeze in individual size containers. I just pull one out, defrost it a bit and drink to my hearts content. So awesome! Thanks guys. Sure appreciate you!

Last but not least, Shauna has been sending me some really funny cards lately. This one is just too good to not post. Cracks me up! Thanks lady!

Front

Inside

back

 Thanks for every one's continued prayers, thoughts and gifts. We are truly blessed!

It's ALL in my Head!

I sailed through the first week post-chemo. A day or two of inward refining but nothing I can't handle. Bring it on, Chemo!

OK.... well I should learn to keep my mouth shut! Seriously! People really should tell me to keep my mouth shut! LOL
Sunday night, my Seasonal Allergies (or as Brett calls it my "yearly at the exact same time of year" bad Cold!) decided to pay me a visit. OH. MY. DEATH. OF. ME!!!!!!
Let's just say that I may have gotten out of bed for a total of 45 minutes all day Monday and Glory watched a LOT of TV! Sorry Baby! Monday night the thought crossed my mind to have Brett take me into the ER but that just really ticks me off. Can't anyone in my family be sick or injured during regular business hours???? We really suck at that! Being stubborn like I am- I decided I would wait until the morning. By the time I got up, it had started to let up a bit. So I made a call to the Roger Maris Cancer Center instead.
When my Oncology Nurse called me back, I lost it (tears to make me sound really pathetic, I guess) and asked her if I could share my list of symptoms with her. Then she could tell me if there was anything she could do for any of them. Also- she could tell me what the heck is Chemo related and what is just my Seasonal cold issues?
Here's my long, pathetic list I shared with her minus my smart alec comments. (Prepare yourself for some major whining!):
* I've taken Prilosec since Friday for the major Acid Reflux taste in my throat. It's about 90% better.
But now...
* I have a clear, runny nose that never stops.
* My mouth feels like a cotton ball all the time. Worse now that I can't breath through my nose. (I'm a nose breather, people so this is painful!)
* I've had a slight head-ache that turned into a really bad sinus head-ache.
* I am constantly having cold/hot flashes. (Bi-polar like moments less than 10 minutes apart)
* My sinuses feels swollen to double their size. I just want to constantly rub them to stop the pressure.
* My nose is running but it feels like it's burning and dry. It's starting to bleed a bit.
* I have a burning feeling like last week but now it's in my limbs and my head.
* My taste buds are completely shot. All food sucks basically! And I can't eat anything but ice cream or smoothies without tear-ing up. :(
* All my teeth feel like they need dental work done. OUCH! They all ache and have sharp pains in places. And the truth is- I already have really bad teeth so maybe I do need some dental help. (That makes me want to cry all by itself!) *NOTE to future Chemo patients- Before you start chemo- go get your teeth checked and have all problems taken care of beforehand!
* My gums are really sore.
* My tongue is raw from rubbing it on my teeth and is getting little bumps on it that aren't supposed to be there.
* Because of my sinuses dripping down my throat, I have a cough that started. It's making my ribs hurt a bit and is not helping that last 10% of my throat heal properly.
* My lips look like I have been licking them and they are all dry and chapped. Even with chap stick smeared like a clown, they don't feel any better.
* My ears are in a lot of pain. I'm a side sleeper but ANY pressure on them at all makes me want to cry. I'm having a hard time getting any sleep because 1- I can't breathe or 2- I can't get comfy at all. Then when I finally do get comfy enough to fall asleep, I have to pee! ARGGGH! (I know- waaaah!)

Brett and I teased that this may just ALL be in my head. No... I mean- it really is! Everything (all the pain and symptoms) have gone to my head! OUCH! What a pain!

Andrea, my Oncology Nurse called back later after she'd talked to Dr. Panwalker about my list with some suggestions. She said I can take an over-the-counter cold/allergy medication to fight the allergy stuff. Then she gave me a recipe for a baking soda/salt mouth rinse for my dry mouth and teeth issues. She told me that with the Chemo attacking my immune system that my body is having a hard time fighting properly. She said they think I will be feeling much better in a couple days but if not to give them a call. Fortunately by the end of the day, I could tell that I am on the mend from this mess. Hallelujah! But holy cow! I am surprised I survived- even if it's only in my head!

Moving Company

I've been a bit under the weather but the Moving Company sent out a surveyor today to check out all our junk! Luckily Brett came home for a bit to show him around the house. At first, he was completely confident that we would be well under our weight limit. (like maybe by 8,000 lbs?) BUT by the time, he saw my craft room, our food storage and Brett's garage... well, let's just say we may be getting rid of a few things. LOL Dang! Who knew Go-karts and fabric could weigh so much?? Oh well at least we are still making steps into our other new Adventure. Baby steps but in the right direction, at least!

Look Good.... Feel Better!

One of the first things I was introduced to on my new Adventure was a program put on by volunteers in conjunction with the American Cancer Society that provides information and free make-up products to cancer patients.

Look Good...Feel Better is a non-medical, brand-neutral public service program that teaches beauty techniques to cancer patients to help them manage the appearance-related side effects of cancer treatment.

Look Good…Feel Better group programs are open to all women with cancer who are undergoing chemotherapy, radiation, or other forms of treatments.

A Girls Night Out and free make-up- where do I sign up? The first class I could go to was on Day 7 of my first Chemo so I was hoping I could make it; if I wasn't deathly ill or too tired. They told me I could bring someone with me if I'd like. Of course, this is NOT a Hubby thing but that's why I have a Beauty Consultant, right? Unfortunately, my Beauty Consultant decided that she'd fly over to Hawaii for the week, (for real this time! Can't believe she chose sunny beaches and alone time with her hubby over a beauty make-over for me. LOL Just kidding lady! Hawaii was totally the way to go! ;)) so my Life Coordinator took her spot for the evening. Thanks KBro for being my date for the  night.
The class I signed up for was held at the American Cancer Society building here in Fargo. [They had another one at Roger Maris on different night] It was a pretty good class. Nothing that blew me away or anything but got some neat free stuff. I always laugh at make-up classes cuz it seems that they want me to do 40 extra steps than I normally do. I just want them to tell me a few tips how to make me beautiful quickly! Guess I'd put the make-up industry out of business if they put me in charge. LOL
Lisa was our instructor for the night and she told us this was the largest class she's ever taught. We had 3 Cancer survivors, one daughter, the instructor and of course, my lovely Life Coordinator. It was a fun group! We watched a short video about the program and then she handed out our make-up bags. When you sign up for the class- you tell them your skin tone and they bring an appropriate bag for you. They must put them together sort of like the humanitarian kits we've put together in Relief Society in the past because no 2 kits were alike. We got some really neat stuff but had a few good laughs over some of it. Like the white powder one lady got- you know the kind they use on the movies where you go into a puff of white smoke and come out beautiful. Just for the record- you come out more like Casper the Friendly Ghost! LOL or the fact that the only eye shadow I got was stark white (I mean Moonbeam! LOL) or the other lady ending up with at least 3 lip colors. She was totally spoiled! It was pretty funny! I did end up with what I was told was some amazing mascara from Chanel. I guess that's some fancy stuff! Wahoo for me!
When we were all beautied up- we headed to the back to check out hats, wigs and scarfs. I had come prepared with my stash so I may have commandeered the class a bit at this point. Oops! Sorry Lisa. I showed them a bunch of things I had bought from the TLC website (from the American Cancer Society), some of the ways to tie scarfs, the T-shirt Wrap that Violet showed me yesterday, and let them try on some of my hats. Lisa did show us this really cute way to tie a bandanna with a flower on the side (the one on the lady in the front of the pic) Bummer is that is was a home-made bandanna that was a custom size. I wanted to measure it but she had already tied it up and the lady wanted to keep it tied to take it home. Oh yeah- they let us take a bandanna or scarf or two home. Such a fun group of ladies to spend the evening with. Here's my cute new friends:

One cute thing-- I had brought my new Breast Cancer shirt that just came in the mail to show them. When I showed the ladies- the older one said it reminded her of a husband that had come to Chemo with his wife on Friday that had worn a black T-shirt with something like "Tough Enough to Wear Pink." I laughed and said- "That was my Hubby!" We had a good chuckle about being there at the same time and said we'd see each other on the 18th for our 2nd Chemo. Small world, I guess!

Thanks again to my Life Coordinator for stepping in for the evening. We had some good quality one-on-one time and with my new hairdo- we look like twins (or we will as soon as she gets over herself and gets her cute little A-line cut she wanted BEFORE I bought my hair and stole her thunder. Who cares if people think we look alike? Maybe we WANT to!) ) After class, we did a little shopping and went out for ice cream. We stayed out really late and it was way too much fun! We got some BIG "positive clicker" plans I'll have to tell you about as soon as we iron out all the details. We are such great thinkers/doers together. Just love ya, Lady!

BF Support Group

Justice's teacher, Shawn Roehrich offered to take me to the local Breast Cancer support group tonight. They call themselves The FM Breast Friends Support Group. It's a group that was started by a couple younger ladies that were diagnosed with breast cancer a couple of years ago and wanted a way to reach out to others in the same situation. It's designed for women between 25- 65 that have been diagnosed with breast cancer. They meet in the basement of the Moorhead Library every 1st Wednesday of the month.
Since I have been feeling great (at least under the circumstances), Shawn took me over to get my wig fitted on my bald head and then we went to the meeting. The group got to meet the brunette Shay for this 1st time.
I have such a great support group of friends already but it was fun to be with people that have survived this and can rightfully make light of the absurdity of it. Everyone shared a bit of their story and where they are in the journey. Then they just opened it to let people share their concerns. There was one other newbie there tonight who is really struggling so she complained for quite a bit. She had surgery first and part of the reconstruction done and started chemo so she has right to feel a bit icky I would say. But nonetheless, I decided to keep my positive little attitude to myself for this time! LOL
Others had concerns about drugs they are on and the side effects. Oh the joys to still come in my journey! It was not funny but kind of-- Shawn found out that Bendaryl is a inhibitor to Tamoxifen. She has been popping a Benadryl and a Tamoxifen pill for almost a year now. She said she hasn't really had any side effects from the Tamoxifen (oh, I wonder why? LOL) And the kicker is that her nurses and doctors have never said anything to her. Thanks heavens she went to the meeting with me. Bummer though cuz now what does she do to sleep. Dang!
Still others had concerns about not having children. I feel for them. I am so glad that my little family is complete. I am a very lucky momma!
All in all, I'm glad I went. I may keep going just to say I did it. We'll see. Shawn said she'd go with me again next month. She has been such a great support to me. A little email to check on me or a little validation of what I'm going through means a lot! Thanks lady! Hope you find a way to sleep well. :)

I'm in Charge Hair! (I mean Here- lol)

I washed my long, blond hair for the last time this morning. I don't try to dwell for too long on things during this Adventure so this moment will be no different. I actually even was a bit excited that it was the last time especially because of the 5 hours it took for the dang mop to dry. (I don't think I've used a blower dryer in over 5 years and there is no reason to start now. LOL)

In case you were not aware, Chemo attacks all your cells including those that attach your hair to your head. In 80% + chemo cases, patients lose their hair. One thing that I've heard over and over again from cancer patients was how hard it was to face Day 10-14 after their 1st Chemo when big wads of hair started coming off their heads. I heard it's one of the hardest things to face and a bit painful. (Maybe more like "I just took a really tight ponytail out of my hair" feeling) I can only imagine! Cancer is really good at taking away any resemblance of  being "in charge". Which is really irritating, by the way! So I came to the conclusion that with THIS part of cancer- I am totally in charge hair. (I mean here!) Take that Cancer!

In anticipation for my soon-to-be baldness, I decided that I would take matters into my own hands (or at least in the capable hands of my personal Barber Shop Quartet). What better time to shave my head than days before cancer can steal it from me? As a Birthday present to myself, [Happy Birthday to me!] Brett and the kids helped me shave my head. It was a little too emotional for Liberty so we let her skip the event but everyone else made it a party! (Sorry 'bout you having a bald mommy, Sis. It'll grow back, I promise!) A pair of scissors, the electric shears and a chance to cut off Mom's hair?- the kids were in heaven. We tried to make it very clear that this is NOT ok ever again or on anyone else. This will be the test to see if they really ever listen to us, right?  LOL

I experienced the whole gamut of hair styles- the Justice cut, the 13th Apostle look, the really long Mullet and then of course our final outcome: You can just call me GI Jane! And who knew I had such small cute shaped head? [I have to admit that I was a little worried with the perma-dent in the back that my dear younger brother gave to me when I was little with a screwdriver!! Crazy boys- give 'em a tool and watch out! LOL]

Victoria was really cute after- she told me she was sad that my hair was gone but it was ok cuz I needed a haircut anyways. LOL She was right! I was in desperate need of a color and haircut anyways. Look at me- I just saved myself a $100 salon visit- another fantastic unknown bonus of my cancer. Wahoo!
PS We are totally gonna pee our pants if I am part of the 20% that don't lose their hair. Wouldn't that be a kicker!? Guess we'll just say I'm just taking one for the TEAM anyways. Besides- I already bought a wig- might as well get my moneys worth from it, right?
PSS A couple days later I was trying on a few different wigs and hats and Glory was helping me take some pictures. In between each wig, she would giggle and tell me saw my "BORING" hair! I really think she meant my bald head but maybe not... Maybe to a 3 year old a bald head is boring. I'm sure she means no offense to any who are follicly challenged themselves. LOL