D.O.N.E with Chemo

Hallelujah! I am done with Chemo forever! (Well except for Herceptin for a year but technically they don't put the spacesuit on for that one so they don't actually call that a chemo drug) Before all of this is but a fleeting memory (yeah for that day!), I am Documenting On the Nasty Effects of my Chemo. So many different things happened during my "icky" days that I wanted to have them all down in one place. In reality I can't believe how fast it went and NOW I can say- "It really wasn't that bad!" But that is because of my little bit of cancer, I'm sure. LOL
I did fully intend to just copy someone else's list from another cancer blog [maybe laziness needs to be on the list] but after spending one early morning (I woke up and couldn't turn my brain off enough to go back to sleep. Add that one for sure. LOL), and crying because of their heart-wrenching stories, I decided that my experience is my own. Thank goodness! So here's the nasty effects that happened to me during my Chemo treatment ...
* First there are the steroids I took the day before. They made me very hungry! A good excuse for someone that has amazing chef friends that bring lots of meals. We are NOT on a diet here, people!
* Except for then after chemo- food tasted gross! A bit of a metal-ly cardboardy taste. Oh yum! It's quite the double-edge sword- hungry for things that taste icky?
* Sleeplessness was caused by the steroids and chemo as well. I lived a couple days of the Vampire Life. By Day 3, I was so tired but can only manage to sleep in small increments of time- a couple of hours at the most. Irritating!
* On Chemo, it seemed impossible to be able to turn my brain off. Too many things going through my mind. Although now as a bonafide Cancer patient, I am not completely convinced that is all because of the chemo. Cancer itself gives one enough to think about without any drugs.
* For about a week, I would end up with a racing heart. It totally is scary for someone who has never had any health issues. It made me feel like I was having chest pain. Totally never want to have a heart attack!
* Other heart matters- I had to take Prilosec for a while because of the acid reflux feeling in my throat. In later treatments it caused severe heart burn. For someone who never had that- it is awful!!! How do you heart burn people do that?
* Each time, I got body aches in my muscles. Like I'd been working out A LOT! (For the record- I don't!) It hit me the hardest in my shoulders and upper back. I couldn't stand anyone or anything to touch me for a couple of days. The last time it also felt like I had done a million squats. My thigh muscles hurt to even think about them.
* Then there's the skin peeling problem. The first couple chemo treatments it was on my hands but by the 4th, it moved to my feet. The skin peeled the worst around my heels. It was deep and buggy!
* For a week or so, I would end up with a bad case of cotton mouth. I couldn't seem to get enough to drink.
* Then I know it seems contradictory but I also would have a vast amount of extra saliva. I  would end up with a big puddle of drool on my pillow quite often. Gross!
* While we are in the mouth region, I'll mention the lovely mouth sores. By week two of one cycle, it had sorely affected the cells in my mouth. Tooth aches, sensitive/bleeding gums and un-heal-able canker sores are the funnest! NOT
* Sometimes my eyes would have a hard time focusing. That could be because I'm too lazy to go get glasses again. But dang it! I haven't had them since high school and I am blaming it on Cancer treatment. Cuz I can! LOL
* I heard a lot about bone pain but I never had to endure the Neulasta shot so I can't complain much about this one. I think I would lump my bone pain in with the achy body stuff. At some point the pain all blurs together.
* Next, Chemo stinks. It IS poison afterall. I could smell it on me. In my urine, in my body odor, it my breath. Stinky!
* Embarrassing but this has to be noted-- the dreaded Chemo Toots. It takes on a life of it's own! TMI, I know!
* I've heard about the diarrhea/constipation scare of chemo treatment. I would have to say that I was pretty lucky with this issue. I think that had to do with drinking tons. However, I have mentioned and will mention again my strong loving feelings towards the makers of Preparation-H. Harder bowel movements caused major hemorrhoids for me during one of the treatments. Horrendous!
* I ended up with slight bruising at the IV site. For the most part, the nurses did an excellent job. No complaints. Nonetheless, there was still a very sharp object stuck in a tiny vein of my hand for 6 hours every 3 weeks pumping poison into my blood stream. Poor little vein! I would ache and turn black and blue too! ;(
* By the 4th treatment, I would wake up several times with eyes kinda goopy and shut. Nothing that wiping them out didn't clear up but list worthy anyhow.
* Oh then the Menopausal symptoms known as hot flashes. Normally I am a freezing kind of person! Freezing enough to wear long sleeve shirts and long pants tucked into my socks every night to bed. LOL But during chemo- oh my heavens! To start, I never slept with socks and if anything I would wear short sleeves and some shorts. When a hot flash hit- I would tear off the blanket and pray the air conditioning would turn on. And if Brett even looked at me- he would raise my temp. (Seriously, he is a furnace!) So he had to look the other way for 3 months. Sorry, love!
* Another contradiction-seeming occurrence but I also had times when I thought I would freeze to death. Couldn't warm up to save my life. Thanks heavens I did Chemo during the Summer. Can you imagine? [Those who have survived a Fargo Winter will empathize. LOL]
* This has to be mentioned. The lovely Chemonesia- a type of brain cramp as I like to call it. It wasnt as bad as I had expected but there were times that I had things to say that couldn't quite process correctly. So I either sounded really stupid or had to do the "Oh never mind- I don't know what I was saying" line. Just call me the brainiac of this operation!
* With this one, I give you permission to not feel bad for me. With chemo, I have had no menstrual cycle. I should be and am partly grateful for this one. However with all the enjoyment of not enduring the lovely monthly ritual, it is also just a reminder that life is NOT normal. So onto the nasty effects list you go.
* The real sucky thing about no menstrual cycle during chemo for me was that I still had a very bad case of total PMS. Not all the time but I had my moments of mood swings, irritation, irrational behavior, etc, etc. Beware! Stay out of my way people!
* OK- one last thing to mention before I go on with my life. Baldness. Really, really, really nasty side effect of Chemo. Wigs are fun to try but they get old fast! Scarfs, hats- also fun but not when it comes done to a HAVE to situation. Let it be known that they are hot and itchy and a pain for the daily usage purposes. AND for the record- at least in women "Bald is NOT beautiful". Just saying!
* P.S. Thinning eyebrows- not that I had very many to begin with but this does deserve to be on the list.

Wow! That is a one depressing list! Who would choose to go through that??? BIG LOL!!! Oh I guess I did. And really like I said, I can't believe it's already over. Seriously I can't! Most of these happened at different times. They never happened all at once at least. All in all- it wasn't that bad. It's do-able, let's say. But so glad it's over and DONE!!!! Onto better things, right?

Comments about the Cancer Blog (38)

* Kellie Brady- (posted this on her blog) Praying for a Good Reason
Our Ward was saddened to hear that one of our sweet, very young, Sisters is in a battle of Breast Cancer. I was shocked and saddened by the news. Our family, especially Morgan who loves this sister's oldest daughter, has been saying many prayers and reminding us to keep the Seamons family in our prayers. Mike and I have also been making sure that this wonderful family has been in our "husband and wife" bed time prayers as well.
This sister is one of the most compassionate sisters that I have ever meet! She is sweet and loving and loves a good Partay! She is amazing at hosting parties!
So explains the new blog back ground. Shay got me into blogging and showed me that you can print blogs into a book. I am blessed to know Shay and know that she will BEAT THIS THING AND FIGHT LIKE A GIRL!
So I am choosing to be on Team Shay! If you need anything girl let me know, and remember to tell your life coordinator that I clean toilets and anything else that is in need of!
Lots of love to the Seamons Family!
{For my family and friends, please say a special prayer for this truly amazing, giving and compassionate family, thank you a million times over}
*Shauna Seamons- Shay, I was so glad to be able to read your blog. You and your family have an amazing attitude. I love it. I liked seeing you with all the different wigs on. You could pull any of those looks off with great style. One of them even looked like your own hair. As for the MRI- I totally know how you feel. They say it doesn’t hurt but I remember thinking that I felt worse after the MRI then when I first laid down on that cold table. Mine took about an hour and I was in such pain with all those loud noises and being a bit claustrophobic I tried to sing primary songs to myself and think of all the scriptures I had memorized to get my mind off of anything but what I was going through. Then I started thinking of Christ and all He went through. Instead of doing like I did, try to get my mind off of it, I realized that He actually concentrated on it, focused on each one of our pains and sorrows, illnesses, and sins so He would know exactly what it is like for each and every one of us. That realization when it hit me, really amazed me and I am so thankful that He gets it completely. Slowly I am realizing more and more how Powerful and Mighty He is, how much He really can do for you and me and I am thankful, ever thankful for that. I love you Shay.  Shauna
*Michelle Honek- Hi Shay,  Yes, I would love to read your blog, then I won’t have to keep bothering Brett to see how you are doing J I know your diagnosis has put you and your family in a whirlwind right now, but it will get better. The first month or so was the worst for me, mainly because there are so many appointments, tests, information to digest, decisions to make, and of course sharing the news with family and friends. Once you decide on your course of treatment, things will settle down. Please let me know if you have any questions or if there is anything I can do to help you through this. I had a close friend who was diagnosed a year before me, I can’t tell you how much she helped me each step of the way. I know you are blessed with a wonderful support system…..stay strong, you will beat this. You are in my daily prayers. Hugs, Michele
 P.S. Call anytime you want to chat or we can always meet up and leave Brett home with the kids
AND
 I read your blog last night….you were right, you are very funny, I guess that’s who Brett gets it from J You have a great attitude, keep it up!! P.S. You look “great” in all the wigs; I wish I could have pulled all those different looks off.
* Amber - has left a new comment on your post "ClickClickBeepBeepHonkHonk":
Oh my goodness. I haven't laughed so hard in awhile. Is it wrong to find amusement in this?
* Elisa Hunt - has left a new comment on your post "ClickClickBeepBeepHonkHonk":
Don't forget the 45 minutes of jackhammer sound. Don't move! Is that an itch?.....
(By the way, this is Elisa. But I accepted your email invite logged in under Chris, so I guess it will forever like that).
* Jace Denman- Its Jace from Brett's office. I just wanted to ask to be added to your blog list so I can read it, you and another friend have made their blog private recently. I would make mine private too, but well I would need more than my parents to read it, ha!
I hope you are having a good week under the circumstances. Please know that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. Let me know of you guys need anything!
AND
Trust me I can handle it (reading the blog). My mom has been through this and I also talked a lot about this with Michele last year.
To be quite honest when Brett gave us the news at work it literally felt like a kick in the gut. You and Brett are such good role models for not just your kids but for your friends and family. I was bummed at the thought of you guys leaving for another country but was happy for Brett's promotion. I am glad we can be here to support you and your family at this time and I know you will get through this just fine. And you will educate people along the way so there is always a way to look at this positively.
Well I will try and chat with you more later, and thanks for the add on the blog. Already caught up on some posts to get up to date! Jace
*Glenda Crump- Your family blog is so cute, I read it and looked at the pictures yesterday! The blog at the top neither I nor Krista could read since it says you have to be invited...can you help? Thanks, Glenda
*Shauna- Shay, I have a google account and tried to read your blog but it said I had not been invited to read it. So if you updated it with info from the MRI yesterday I would love to hear about it. YOU are constantly in my prayers and I just am feeling like you are going to beat this thing. So keep me posted. If I need to do something different to be able to read your blog, please let me know.
Did you get my little Easter package I sent out to you guys. I told Rock to watch for it.
Love you Shay, Shauna
*Treston and Shelley has left a new comment on your post "TEAM SHAY: My Wig Lady":
I like them all! They each make you look totally different. Crazy. How fun... I might go do that! ;)
* Amber Hoffman has left a new comment on your post "Wahoo! The MRI Results":
Can you hear my WAHOO? can you see me jumping for joy? You should because I am loud and high. WAHOO!!!!!!!
*Kristen Tucker has left a new comment on your post "Wahoo! The MRI Results":
Wahooooooooo! Love ya!
*Treston and Shelley has left a new comment on your post "To Boob or not to Boob? That's the question!": Shay, you crack me up and make me cry!
*Lisa McKee- Shay, Thanks for the invite and thanks so much for writing about your experiences. You look so good in those wigs. Who knew hair could totally alter your appearance? You could be a new woman every day of the week:) My heart goes out to you Shay. You sharing your thoughts through your writing is very helpful to understanding what you guys are going through. I am so sorry this is your struggle. I pray that the Lord will bring your peace through the ups and downs of the experience. I would be happy to watch your kids during any of your appointments at your house or mine. Your girls play so good with Becky. I am free on Wednesday mornings/ early afternoon and can pick up your girls on Tuesday and Thursday about noon after I pick up Becky from preschool. I really can watch them anytime on Tuesday or Thursday. In the summer they can all come over when schools out. It works out great that we have kids that are about the same age. Let me know. Talk soon
* Cheri Davis- Hey Shay- Thanks so much for getting me signed up for your blog. I have been reading it a lot and it makes me laugh and sometimes cry but I think about your quote so the crying is very brief :). I do have to say I was with Liberty with the head shaving experience. It made me the saddest. But you are inspiring and make me look at each day different. I just wanted to let you know how amazing you are. And I love the wigs. I love the brown one. You look awesome! Keep it up girl! Love you lots! Cheri
*Christine has left a new comment on your post "Look Good.... Feel Better!":
Seriously, Shay. If anyone can turn breast cancer into a wardrobe theme for the entire family, it's you. Hilarious! You always have loved a good theme. Honestly, with all the things you've made, you should start a business - you can call it "In the Pink!"
*Kiley has left a new comment on your post "I'm in Charge Hair! (I mean Here- lol)":
I agree! You have a beautiful bald head! You look great Shay and I am so inspired by you. I love the fact that you will take charge! I love you!
*Brady Bunch, ND has left a new comment on your post "Love Notes":
She is so sweet! My Morgan just saw your Mother's day blog and she said " Shay doesn't let anything get her down does she Mom. I liked seeing her tonight at the Cook's" Shay you are amazing!
* Becky and Todd has left a new comment on your post "Love Notes":
Thanks for sharing....so glad we can get a glimpse into what you and your family is experiencing. So very wonderful to see you last night. We sure love you guys!
* Brady Bunch, ND has left a new comment on your post "Date with Space(wo)man: Chemo Day #2": Kristen is awesome! Pretty scary. I am glad that Kristen was there to make the nurses move. I will volunteer to be your picture taker if you would like. I love taking pictures!
* Amber has left a new comment on your post "Date with Space(wo)man: Chemo Day #2": I just love you guys. I can't believe how long Kristen's resume is getting. Quilter, Life coordinator, Cancer patient Life Saver. She might be overly qualified for everything. I can't wait to see you girls. Next month. I better get some pink.

*Wrights- has left a new comment on your post "Date with Space(wo)man: Chemo Day #2":
Julie and I wish you all the best. We wish we were there to offer support to you and your family. But you are often in our thoughts and prayers.
* Robbie Stephens- has left a new comment on your post "Date with Space(wo)man: Chemo Day #2":
So I'm finally commenting :) Guess I should say something huh. I love how you find humor in everything! You go girl!
*Lana Seamons- Dear Shay: I'm still working on how to be able to write back to you on your blog. Until then, just a quick e-mail. You are a terrific writer. It's fun to read your blog. Also, you have a great attitude about the challenge you are facing. What an inspiration!!! You know our prayers are with you and we love you.
*Shauna Seamons has left a new comment on your post "Mouth Issues":
Shay, I am so glad they were able to give you something for those sores. I can't even imagine how bad that must have been. I hope they are clearing up. I fasted for you yesterday and hope you know you are in my prayers everyday. When is your next chemo apt? Keep up the positive attitude my friend. I love you. Shauna
*Heather Swanson- has left a new comment on your post "My "little" bit of cancer!":
Shay--you have such a great positive attitude about your new "adventure" that I don't know how you do it:) You are truly an inspiration to me!! Sure miss you!!!!!!!
*Amber has left a new comment on your post "A Prayer in Each Square":
That looks amazing. I have heard about this and can't wait to see it (Cancer Quilt) in person. You are an amazing woman.
*Heather Swanson- has left a new comment on your post "A Prayer in Each Square":
The quilt is so beautiful!! I am so jealous---my favorite color is red too:) Prayers are continuing to come your way via WA!!

*Amber has left a new comment on your post "Sexy Legs":
I love white legs. They are the new sexy. At least that is what I tell myself. Ha ha
* Shauna Seamons has left a new comment on your post "Sexy Legs":
Wow, what a bonus. I wish my legs were ever that smooth. I also love the red shoes. All women should have at least one pair of red shoes. I also love the new wigs. Both the long blonde one and the cute red head. YOU sure can pull that off. I love you with red hair. It seem to fit.
Love you. Shauna
* Treston and Shelley has left a new comment on your post "Wife #8: Short Brown Bob":
I just read your whole blog again and I have just a few things to say:
1. You are INCREDIBLE!
2. You have an INCREDIBLE family!
3. Your friends are INCREDIBLE!
4. Your attitude is INCREDIBLE!
5. You look INCREDIBLE in any hat you wear (jealous...)
6. Your legs are INCREDIBLE!
Seriously, I love you and am glad that you have such good friends and the sweetest kiddos and husband to take care of you!
* Robbie Stephens has left a new comment on your post "Call me Metal Mouth with a Bad Attitude":
Ahhh. Next time, I'll have to come over and we can be grumps together. . .If you have 2 grumps in one room, does that cancel out the grumpiness like 2 negatives make a positive? Seriously though, we love you. You and your family are amazing.
*Shauna said......I am glad the cards make you laugh. I just feel that is the least I can do as part of TEAM SHAY. But you have to know that as I attend the temple I always put you and Brett's names on the prayer roll and I also pray for you daily. YOu are on my mind, in my heart, in my prayers, and I speak of your strength frequently as I talk with others. You go girl. Love you.
* Amber has left a new comment on your post "Follow-up Ultrasound":
Hooray. I'm glad you are getting pictures with everyone. I think you have touched the lives of every nurse, docter, etc. that you have come in contact with brought this experience
* Amber has left a new comment on your post ""I'm Gonna Love You Through It"":
I wish I was there with you. I wish I could do more for you. I love you shay and appreciate the awesome attitude you have had through this. But I think we should all get some tattoos (like the guy in the video). Cancer sucks !!!!!
* Woodruffs has left a new comment on your post "Mini Freak Out & Goodbye Boobs!":
Shay, our continued prayers are with you and your sweet family! Your faith and courage take my breath away. I was sitting in a waiting room yesterday and saw this quote posted on the front desk of the Utah Cancer Center..."Once you choose hope...anything's possible." We LOVE you!
* Amber has left a new comment on your post "Under the Knife":
I am. So glad things went well. You have been in my thoughts and prayers all week. I can't wait to talk to you and see you next week.
* Heather Swanson has left a new comment on your post "Under the Knife":
I have been thinking about you all the time hoping things are going good for you and your family. I am glad to see things went good with your surgery. I will continue to keep you in my prayers
*Christine has left a new comment on your post "This Room is Paid for: Coming Home":
Thanks for posting all this, Shay. So happy to see a picture of my smiling friend. Wish I could be there to help and visit but glad you have our Fargo family to take care of you. Love you Lady!
* Lisa Mckee- has left a new comment on your post "CANCER FREE!!!!":

Yeah Shay how wonderful!! WAHOO! WAHOO! That is awesome!!!!! I haven't checked your blog since before we moved-our office had kind of been under construction. It was so neat to see your cancer free blog and how much I have missed. I can't believe all you have been through in the last few months. It is amazing what you have been through and your wonderful optimism through it all. You really are my hero! Thanks for being such a wonderful example of making the best of a very hard(and yes I don't have any idea how hard) trial. You, your family and the rest of TEAM Shay all are just amazing. Thanks for sharing your blog with my family. It is wonderful to be a witness to your miracle. Love you bunches! Lisa

Wife #10- GI Jane or Baldy

Not everyday is a Wig Day especially when I am at home. Sometimes I wish I could have an out of body experience just to see what it was like to pass me in the hallway or in the kitchen. I think it would probably be weird. LOL But my family is very sweet and doesn't say anything. Unless you count little Glory's "I see your boring hair, Mom!" as a dig but I don't think she means it that way.

As far as Wife #10 is concerned--Not many Hubbies can say that they have been married to someone bald. I really appreciate Brett's patience through this Beauty Disaster of mine. Every once in a while, he will rub my head before we go to bed. I think it's sweet. Since I can't see myself unless I look in a mirror, I forget sometimes that I am folically challenged. I have enjoyed the time saved in my morning get-ready-for the-day routine but I do miss my hair sometimes. Oh well! One more Chemo then we'll be back on the road to hair. Hallelujah! Wigs are for sure fun to try BUT to everything there is a season and I am grateful that this season won't last forever!

Here's the many looks of the Bald Wife:

All Natural

The shaved GI Jane look

Sporting the scarf

The Night Cap:
What I wear most around the House

Final Date with a Space(wo)man- Chemo Day #4

Chemo Treatment #4-
Last one! Yeah!

This morning, we stopped by McDees for a little breakfast takeout so we ended up running a little late for our appointment. We even got a call on my cell phone from the RMCC to see if we were coming. Oops! I told them we were almost there. I teased Brett after I hung up that I should have havetold the nurse to tell Dr. Panwalker to go in my room and take a 10 minute break and we'd be right there. That would have been funny! When we got there and the nurse was getting me all checked in, she actually said to us- "Don't tell me you're late because you stopped at McDonalds." We laughed and told her we wouldn't tell her that then. (even if it was the truth LOL She must have seen the McDee bag ;) Then we met with Dr. Panwalker. We got my lab results back. My Absolute Segs number for this time was 7700. (Thats's up from 5500 last time and way above my 5900 even before ANY Chemo- look at me!) I asked what it meant that it was so high but Panwalker said it flucuates. Whatever that means?? LOL So instead I just got permission from him to take that as I'm awesome! He smiled and said that would be ok. [He takes my sense of humor with a grain of salt, I think] I'm sure he is so excited that this is my last day. But I'm telling you... he's gonna miss me!
 At the end of my appointment, Dr. Panwalker told me that I need to set up my next couple Herceptin treatments (I'm supposed to continue a Herceptin IV every 3 weeks for one year) and then he'd see me back in 12 weeks. That seems like forever away, doesn't it? After looking at my chart one more time, he said that Radiation might mess up my Herceptin schedule a little. I leaned close to him and boldly explained to him, "I'm NOT doing radiation, Buster!" He kind of rolled his eyes at me and then I informed him I'd talk to Dr. Bouton about it. He told me, "Great- you do that!" We have such an understanding relationship. LOL He did do his normal routine check of my lymph nodes and thumping me on my spine and my stomach. He said everything looked fine. Go me!
I think Dr. Panwalker decided to pay me back for being late because it took forever to get into the Infusion Center. Then they put me back into Solitary Confinement again. I guess they learned their lesson from putting me with other people last time. I think they discovered that I demand too much attention to have to compete with other patients. What can I say? I'm an attention seeker! LOL

While we were in the waiting room, we found out that the embrace program at Sanford allows for you to check out an IPad to try while you are at treatment. So we took them up on the offer. Brett was in 7th heaven! He played Angry Birds for the most part. Oh heaven help us if we decide to get with the times and get one of our own. LOL It was pretty cool though. I even did a little blogging on it. So neat!

Nurse Tia was my Chemo Nurse for the day. She was great. She was a sharer (maybe a little TMI but such my kind of lady! LOL) and I loved it!!! We had a great time chatting with her.

After all my pre-meds (and there was a lot of them), she got all dressed up for her Space(wo)man duties. Here we go with the icky Docetaxel/ Taxotere drug! Cross your fingers.

Brett watched me very carefully while it dripped into my IV. He kept asking, "Are you ok?" And giving me kisses and rubbing my hands while he watched the drip number go up. LOL It got to be a little bit annoying actually. We were watching R.E.D. (one of our favorites) when I  felt my heart start to race and my breathing began to be labored. Dang! I told Brett to go grab a nurse. Well at least I made it to 21 ml before I had a reaction. We really thought I was gonna make it this time. But no!!!! Stinky Docetaxel!!!! The nurses did a way better job this time at giving me the attention I deserved. LOL They brought in the red box right away! By the time they got to me my face was beat red again. They immediately turned off the machine, administered the extra red box drugs and took a million notes of my episode. ;) They hooked me up to the oxygenator and decided to hook me up to oxygen. How joy! I love things up my nose! LOL We got it under control pretty quickly. Good job! Here's my Rescue Team! Thanks ladies. You are live savers!

Tia went to talk to Dr. Panwalker about starting back up. To our surprise, he said to just skip it! WHAT? Does that mean he is just done with me? like just get this woman out of here? or did I really even need the drug in the first place? Who knows but I wasn't gonna argue about cutting 2 hours off my already LONG day. So we skipped the last treatment of the Docetaxel and went on to the Cyclophosphamide and the Herceptin. We finally got out of there about 4:15pm. What long days! Thank heavens they are over!  I even got a big Wahoo! from all the Nurses for my last day! They are the best here at the Roger Maris Cancer Center! We will miss them! (Not enough to do any more Chemo but they will always have a place in our hearts) Thank you!
Thanks also to Brett for supporting me. He has to put up with the worst part of this journey (me!) and I will always be grateful for his patience with me. Love you, Honey! XOXO

Looking ahead---We have an appointment with Dr. Bouton, our breast surgeon, on July 10th. Then we're hoping to schedule a bilateral mastectomy for the end of July or beginning of August. Wish us Luck!

Trip to Washington, DC

One of the perks of planning on leaving the country is seeing new places. Brett got to go on a business trip to Washington, DC for some training this week. He had some classes to take each day but also got to see some really neat things. Someday, we plan to travel with him but for now, we'll just be happy with pictures. Glad you got back safe, Love! Here's some of what he saw:

TEAM SHAY: Extended Family

My cute extended family sent me a card along with a few fabulous pictures! How cute are they? Thanks everyone for being part of TEAM SHAY. You are awesome! We miss you tons. Luv ya! XOXO

Here's the card (So sweet!):

Wife #9: Blonde Barbie

This wig was supposed to have some lowlights in it but NO! That's what I get for buying from China! LOL

Oh well! It's kind of fun anyways even if I looks like I stuck my head in a Clorox bottle! ;)

 Just call me Barbie!

Call me Metal Mouth with a Bad Attitude

I can't believe that my last Chemo is next Friday. Where has the time gone??? I must have been busy washing my hair or something? LOL
Besides a few days of sleeping my life away, the physical side effects have been minimal this go around. Hurray! We have been so blessed!
The only thing I have the right to hugely whine about is the icky metal taste in my mouth.  Someone should have started calling me "Metal Mouth" then  maybe I would have gotten some kind of superpower like Doctor Doom in Fantastic 4. Unfortunately, no one took that job upon themselves so instead these past couple weeks I just got his bad attitude as a side effect without the super powers. I seriously got jipped! [Oh and I guess I should mention that my gums are super sensitive so the extra zillion brushings I want to do to get rid of the taste just make me constantly spit blood in the sink. KUCK!]

My BAD Attitude really had nothing do with my big little bad CANCER world [however I am documenting it here since I haven't updated forever], but I definitely got a humongous case of P.M.S.!   (How is that possible when Chemo makes you stop menstruating? Really buggy!) Regardless... we have had 10 days of severe whininess, dramatic mood swings, easily offended, laziness, growling, blaming, yelling, ibuprofen popping, extra sleeping, etc. From my Family's point of view, we'll pretend that stands for Please Make her Stop! Sorry to my cute little family for a miserable week or so. Wish I had came across this quote before my rampage of ickiness but then again I probably wouldn't have listened to it anyways!

Amen, Elder Uchtdorf. Amen!!!!

Hopefully, I have gotten it out of my system. I better have because this afternoon I am heading out of town to be apart of a fabulous "Positive Thinking" Weekend with my girlfriends. AND... I am one of the speakers. (LOL. Now that is pretty funny!) Oh heaven help us! (I mean that literally!)
So... practicing what I'm about to preach- "It's gonna be AMAZING!!"

Other Thoughtful Emails Along the Way (28)

I know that it's getting to be a very lengthy list but I am really touched by all the emails so I want them written down somewhere. Here's a few more we have received along our journey:
*Tanya Abraham- Words cannot even begin to express how I feel about your email. I am deeply saddened to hear your news, but know that our God is a GREAT God who can do ALL THINGS and He allows things to happen in our lives that seem insurmountable and just plain wrong not to punish us, but to help each of us GROW and become more like Him and to also show other people Him. Everything we experience/go through helps at least one other person along the way or at some point in our lives, even if we are no longer here physically. You are an amazing family and are in our thoughts and prayers every single day – please, let us know if there is ANYTHING we can do, but no, Shay, I will not shave my head for you. . . ;) Love you guys!!  P.S. I forgot to tell you that YES, I want to be part of the distribution list for the blog.
*Danica Pettit- Thank you so much for including me on your e-mail, I LOVE your attitude, makes me miss you and your family even more. You and Brett are a great team and I'm so glad you have each other. We love you and support you, will definitely keep you in our prayers. PLEASE include me on the blog and let me know if you ever need my assistance with anything! LOVE you so much!!
*Faith Friederichs- Great news Shay! Ok, I am just trying to keep it light! And by great news I mean we get to keep you in our lives a little bit longer! I would love to keep updated on your blog. Steve was absolutely heart broken when I told him, he loves you guys so much. You are one of the only people who have anything to do with him at church and he would do anything for you guys! We are here praying for your family and your health. Love and Life
*Haylie, Matt and Ali- Sweet Shay, You can do this! If anybody can make it through the big "bumps" in life it is you. You got me through my first few years in Fargo and helped to shape the woman I am today. I love your passion for life, your need to decorate for every season, your love affair with fabric, and your strength. Know that Matt and I are here for you and your family, whatever you need whenever you need it please call us up. We are at you and your family's disposal. Know that we are here to laugh and cry with. If you need to rant, rant away my friend, if you need to go into denial for a bit, call me up and we can go shopping, crafting, to a movie, you name it. Don't take this the wrong way, but the past few months have been a bummer for me, we seem to be moving apart and while I know that that is the nature of the beast with so many new people moving in and needing to be befriended and a new baby for me to love on, I still feel depressed. So, even though we seem to be moving in different life circles please know that you are and will always be my most cherished friend. If there is anything that I can do to ease your burdens, even if it just a teeny tiny bit please let me. Matt and I love you and are rooting for you. If you need inspiration visit this blog http://www.lilblueboo.com/. She has been going through cancer and has blogged about it all (along with some other stuff).  Hang in there my friend. You are in our prayers!
*Mrs. Molstre (Victoria's Kindergarten Teacher)- Brett and Shay, Wow what a shocker! I thought about you all day and I wasn’t sure how to respond. I too have had some of your same thoughts as I had a “bump” checked out two weeks ago (maybe we were even there at the same time!). My outcome was different and so you are obviously thinking and feeling a storm of things. I greatly appreciate you keeping me updated so I can be ready for anything Victoria may need during this time. I checked with our counselor and she was able to locate a book call Once Upon A Hopeful Night and it is about a mother who gets cancer. It talks about treatment and fighting the battle. Would you like our school counselor or myself to read this with her? It’s also on Amazon for like $7 too if you would like to look into it for yourselves. Shay, you of all people will be the most amazing cancer patient. I will diligently pray for strength, patience, good news for you and your family. Please let me know if you need anything at all ( I am sure you have had a gazillion offers J). I would love to help out with meals or taking care of kids if need be.
*Heather Parry- Oh Shay my friend, I am so sorry to hear of your news. I have thought a lot about our days at the day care lately. I miss you and have thought of you often. I am sorry I have not been a good friend & kept better in touch. You are an amazing strong woman, I have complete faith in the Lord's plan. We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers as you and your family go through this trial.  I have to admit to you that I cried for you while reading it. Then laughed for you as you talked about the truth of it all. I am grateful that I was included on your email list, that I will be given the opportunity to pray for you. I would love to be kept updated. We love you and miss you.
*Angie Kallmeyer- Hi Shay, I was at Patty Ransoms last night working on a quilt and she shared your news with me...then Telindalee forwarded me your email. I just wanted you to know that I think your an amazing courageous woman! I love your attitude, and if anyone can handle this, you can. Not that it means that much coming from me, but I just felt like I should tell you :) We will be praying for you and your family, and if there is ever anything I can do, please don't hesitate to call. Love, Angie
*Garold Seamons- Got your email that Shay sent. Sounds like quite an ordeal. We are praying for your family. I know that the Lord will answer your prayers as well as ours. I guess the tough part comes in waiting it out. But the Lord is looking out for you and your family. Love, dad
*Kent and Glenda Crump- Sheleray,We just got back from Utah last night and we were lucky to be able to spend time with all Kents brothers and sisters. We miss everyone so much! We are sad to hear about your breast cancer and just want you to know our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family! This is news no one wants to hear and we hope you know we support and love you and your family!Please continue to keep us updated if you can, we want to know how your doing!!! Good Luck in all your challenges and know that we LOVE YOU!!!
*Barb and Steve Taylor- Shay, We were so surprised to hear your news. You and your family will be in our thoughts and prayers. We would like to be able to read your blog if that is ok with you. We hope you know how much we all care about you.
*Lori, Louie, and fam- Dear Shay, Brett, and kids,We love you! Our thoughts and prayers are with you and we wish we were closer and could help more. Please let us know if we can do anything - we have even saved a few sky miles if you need Lori to fly out at some point to help. We appreciate your strength, example, and testimony. Love, Lori, Louie, and fam P.S. - We would appreciate being invited to your blog for updates.
*Rachel Crump- Hey cousin, It's been a long time. I just wanted to let you know how much your great attitude means to me. I know how hard it can be to keep your head up during hard times. I try my best to keep a positive outlook on my health issues too. I have been on dialysis for almost 5 1/2 years now. I have been on the waiting list since Dec. 2007 in TX. Just this past summer I felt the spirit really strongly telling me I should move back to UT and get on the list because I'd have a much better and quicker chance of getting one there. So in Sep. I packed up and left leaving my dad and Glenda behind. And Jamie and her family which I took care of her two most wonderful boys almost everyday. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I still wonder to myself to this day if it was the right thing or not but I'm always comforted by the spirit that reassures me I'm in the right place. Even though now 6 months later, still not on the waiting list in UT. I have also come to some bumps in the road. In order to be placed on the waiting list, other than needing a kidney, you need to be in the best health possible so I have to stay up on all examinations. So in Nov. I went in for my annual PAP and was notified that it was abnormal, going in with a positive attitude I thought well maybe its wrong or something. Next thing I knew I was in for a biopsy in my cervix. Results took about a week. So 9 looong days later I get a call saying that it was in the most advanced stage of PRECANCER and I was scared to death but relieved at the same time. It sounded scary but I was so grateful that we had caught this in time....otherwise I would have to be on dialysis and chemo at the same time. So i was able to go in for one procedure called a LEEP and they pretty much remove part of your cervix. Another long week later I was given the news that it was successful. So relieved. But not out of the woods yet. So i have to keep up on it every six months. And being a dialysis/ kidney patient I am 3 times more likely to end up with any type of cancer than someone with no kidney problems, because my immune system is so low. I had to stay strong especially being in a different state than my parents. So I did and kept my head up as much as I could and to me that positive attitude is always key.I think that my positive attitude is what helped me come out on top beating this and getting on with my life. So I just want you to know that because of your positive outlook that makes you strong and because of that you WILL get through this and come out on top and win the battle. I love you and wish you well. You are more than welcome to email me or anything anytime. I will be praying for you. Keep your head up. -Rachel Crump
*Deanne Stevenson- Thinking of you lots. If there is anything i can do please let me know. If you need help watching the kids this week I am in town until Friday. Just know I love ya.
* Cheryl Oster- Hi Shay, Just a note to say Hang in there-you are a strong and vibrant lady! If there is anything I can do for you and your family don't hesitate to ask!! I will be thinking of you
AND
Hi Shay, Hope you are doing OK-You are in my thoughts and prayers. I would like you send me an invite to your blog so I can keep in touch. Remember if you need anything, do hesitate to ask. I would be glad to take the kids on a weekend they would have a blast playing with Molly! Cheryl
* Cheri, Dixon and family- Hi Brett and Shay, I didn't want you guys to think I hadn't read this email or that our family didn't care but I wanted to give you guys a little space because you were probably overwhelmed with people responding. Wow! I could not believe what I was reading. I (we as a family) just want you to know how much we love you guys. You really are an inspiring family. I also want you to know that our family will do ANYTHING we can to help. That includes flying up there at a moments notice to help with your kids, clean house, run errands. We will have garage sales and sell lemonade to earn money for medical expenses, run 5k runs and so on. We will do pretty much anything (but shave my head.) LOL. I will leave that to Shay. I am being honest. As we fasted as a family today I was impressed with the faith you guys show. We will continue to pray for you and really just hope you know how much we support you. Please give us the blog information so we can be included on that. How grateful we are for the gospel and the love that our Savior has for each of us and that he guides our lives and knows us personally. We love you and you truly are amazing!! GO TEAM SHAY!!! Love, Cheri, Dixon and family.
* Lisa McKee and Fam- Hi Shay and family, I have been meaning to write you guys but it has been hard for me to know what to say. I think I have been in some shock about your diagnosis. I just think that if I pretend it isn't there that it will go away. I guess that you guys aren't the only ones in denial-sorry. I am so sorry that this is something you guys are facing. Our thoughts and prayers are with you both. I know this may sound strange but we have been experimenting with our juicer lately and I have some pretty healthy vegetable juices that may help you Shay if you are interested. They are really helping me feel great. I remember one juice recipe says it is supposed to help with your red blood cell count. They don't all taste good. I guess healthy doesn't always mean yummy:) Anyway I know it sounds exciting but if you want to give them a try let me know and we can have a juicing party! We are still excited to have you guys over for dinner but I forgot what day. Was it the 20th? 21st? Would you mind reminding me? thanks: Talk to you soon, Lisa
*Sanders family- Invite please and thank you! We love you and are praying, praying, praying! Big hugs from the Sanders family!!
* Kiley Finch- Wow! What a shocker! Let me just say I have been thinking about all of you the past few days since I heard the news. I am sending my love to all of you through my thoughts & prayers. I do have to say that I think the humor you have is awesome! I can’t even begin to imagine the different emotions you are feeling. Shay, I know you are a strong woman and that you will get through this with the support of your family, friends, and of course God! PLEASE put me on your blog list and here’s my current email address. I know today you are having your MRI. I hope all goes well. Love you! Love, Kiley
* Shelley Sadler- Hey Shay, I've been wanting to call you to chat, but I got your # from your mom the day before you sent out the first email. I was going to ask you all about Columbia and see if you were coming to the quilt retreat. Then in the email you said you would rather us read the blog, rather than having to repeat everything over and over again. So, I've been hesitant. I am so sorry to hear about the breast cancer, and I can say that you are the most upbeat person about cancer that I have ever met. You have always amazed me with all that you do concerning mommy-hood, crafting, and being such a good wife, and this just seals the deal that you are the most incredible woman I know! This might be the dumbest question EVER with all that is going on in your life, but when will we see you again? I know you said you will be having treatments and chemo, etc., so I'm not saying I want you to jump in the car right now and drive down here, but I was getting excited for you to hopefully come to the quilt retreat!! I guess I can probably find out the answers to my questions by reading your blog. :) Know that you are in my prayers and that I love you and your cutest family! Oh, a boy in Preston's class and a girl in Brigham's class are named Liberty and Justice and I just barely realized they are siblings. Makes me think of you guys!I love you Shay! love, Shelley Oh, p.s. can I get an invite to your blog? Thanks! Oh, p.p.s. My 7 year old neighbor lost all her hair to some strange condition. Bald is the new blonde. You'll look awesome! ;)
* Jill Erickson and family - Can I get an invite to your blog again? My email is ..... Just letting you know you are in our thoughts and prayers. I am glad you might be in the ward longer :) There is always a bright side.
* Elisa Hunt- Hi Shay, Thanks for the message. If there's one thing I know about being in the middle of medical things, it's that life takes a weird turn. So, I am not the least bit worried about not getting the message right on time. You have bigger (and smaller!) things to worry about. Anyway, thanks for the email. I'd like to sign up for your blog, as I want to hear what's going on.

I was going to give you a call the other night, but

a. it was FHE night

b. Robbie had said something like you had been on the phone all day

So, I've wanted to give you a call, but I didn't want to be 4,478 phone call for the day.

I'm really sorry that you're going through this. Humor is great medicine. But you're inevitably have those less than humorous days. If you need someone to rant to, someone who's not 100% in the situation, I'm happy to be a listening ear. I haven't had breast cancer, but I am semi-skilled in hanging out at hospitals (having had more than my fair share of surgeries, illnesses, and a near death experience. Long story there).

Perhaps you address this on your blog, and if so, just tell me to read it. I'm going to ask you probably the same questions as everyone else. If you don't feel like answering these directly, then hey, you have some fodder for your blog.

1. When do you start treatment? And a related follow-up, who is coordinating meals?

2. Hair loss? I know, sometimes a big thing (big for my friend) and for others not a big thing (not a big deal for my aunt). If so, I am scarf-dealer extraordinaire, as the Middle East is a primo spot for scarves. You just say the word, and I'll have a shipment here before you know it.

I'd ask about lymph node involvement and that sort of thing, but I'm guessing you're waiting on your MRI results. Anyway, hugs to you. Thanks for thinking of including us. Yes, we want to read about what's going on. But we also want to help. I'm 100% the person who doesn't like to ask for help. (Broken foot here, single parenting for a while, no no, I don't need anything. I can shovel a foot of snow...it's fine...really). That's just how I roll. I get the sense that you're the same way. But I would like to help in whatever way I can. Sooooo....if you think of anything, please ask. Otherwise, I will invent my own ways and you might not like them very much (bahahaha).
* Kathryn Morgenegg-  Hey lady! I'm so sorry about your news! We have kept you in our prayers since we found out. I have talked to your mom. I know that you don't want a lot of phone calls so I will stick to email. I tried to log on to your new blog and it says that I don't have access. I do have a Google account. If you could give us access that would be great! We love you! -Kathryn
* Tiffany Sanders-  I've been working on contriving some great something for you. That's vague right?! Well, that's because that's how it's been...flopping around like a fish out of water thinking of something great to do for YOU! Yet, here I am, days later with nothing to show and I'm beginning to feel that anything would be better than nothing...even if it's not great!! :) Aww, life.

Here's the thing. You amaze me. I have always treasured our friendship. Your zest for life is contagious...even when you are blue (I only say that because I see you rolling your eyes, I hear you interjecting)! You love life. You cherish the gifts the Lord has given you. You share your hope and heart with all who are available. You are a remarkable, beautiful woman. Now, here you are in this crazy situation...breast cancer. I can still hear your voice on the phone, "I know it's nothing." And yet it is. Boo. Yet, even though I want to wallow in sorrow, rip my garments and spread dirt all over myself crying to the Lord...why?! why?! (that would be a dramatic and frightening scenario, so I'll spare everyone!), I can't bring myself to behave that way. Quite honestly, I can hardly mutter the words, why her God? Because somewhere inside I am assured that this too is for His glory. To reveal the love of the Father, the comfort of the Spirit. I know that you are chosen, chosen to reveal him to the world. Be it the world of family, friends, church, Fargo, North Dakota, the Midwest...the list goes on. Your amazing ability to look at life and gird up under it's challenges is breathtaking and inspiring. Your ability to laugh and find the humor in procedure and pain is courageous. You, my friend, are a light in a dark world. Salt and light.

I am grateful our silly husbands spent all day in the cities at the beginning of our time so that I could know you. That's why they became friends right?! For us! I truly can't find the words to say how much I wish I were near. But, I'm not. Boo again. Know that you and your sweet family our in our prayers. I love you and continue to be encouraged by who you are.
*Alma Christensen-  Just heard the news. One adventure that you never plan for. Know many who have conquered and I'm praying that you will too. Love your family and know you are in our thoughts and prayers. Alma and Family
*Kelsi Conroy- Is it too late to be apart of the blog? I just checked my hotmail account (after not checking for way too long as usual) and I was stunned by your news. Not that there is a particular type of person to get cancer, but you are one of the last people I would have expected. You are so lively and bubbly - it just doesn't seem to go with your personality. But I see from your email, you are not letting it cramp your style anyways - you're still as lively and bubbly as ever! I know it is harder than you make it look, but you are doing a good job of reassuring everyone.
When my family found out my dad had a very aggressive and advanced Leukemia, I remember going through the same cycle of feelings - stunned, so not real at first, then when it finally sunk in I got angry, and then after that I got sad and a little delirious (you know, tears and laughter at the same time, that sort of thing). I can imagine what your family is going through right now and I will pray for strength for your husband and comfort for your children. When my family was going through it, we weren't much comforted by people telling us it would be okay (I wanted to yell "Yes, I know it will be okay in the end and there's always a silver lining, BUT I STILL REALLY REALLY HATE THIS RIGHT NOW !!!"). However, I remember a few instances of people I ran into who didn't try to tell us it would be okay. They knew better because they had a similar experience and there was a shared understanding that went beyond words. Sometimes I can feel isolated when I'm having a hard time but this reminded me I was in good company. I also think it was meaningful because there was a moment where I felt like our spirits were communicating (not just our mouths). I hope you can have some of those moments too. Nothing like tragedy to strip everything away to uncover our spirits.
Anyways, sorry if that got too heavy. Just let me know if there is anything I can do. You are (or are about to) get very tied down in the business of getting healed (ahem...your team of doctors, your many many appts,...) so we know you're going to need an extra hand sometimes (and your husband will need a break too) soooooo you should really take me up on my offer. I know you have a ton of other friends and family who want to help so add me to the list :-)
Praying for you, Kelsi   P.S. Sorry this email got kinda long, but I figure this is payback for your long email (just kidding, I liked your email)!
*Robbie Stephens-  How are you? I love reading both your blogs. Your wisdom and humor are very good for me. Thanks for sharing your life with us. You don't know how it helps. Let me know if you need anything for the party or for next week. Love ya, Robbie
*Jenn Smith- SHAY!!!!  I couldn't believe my eyes when I was reading your email! I am SO sorry to hear you guys are going through this. Boobs-what a pain! But I also know how much the Lord loves you and your cute family and that all of this craziness will become beautiful blessings in time. Isn't that how life is? Doesn't Heavenly Father ask us to grow in the times when we have other things planned??? Oh, I love you, sweet friend. Please know that we have been praying and thinking about you guys every single day. I can't get ya out of my mind! You are a simply amazing woman and all that strength and sassiness I know you have in you is going to get you through this with a smile on your face. Thanks for your example and for including us on your journey. XOXOXOXOXOX Jenn
P.S. I have been trying to read both blogs for your updates but can't seem to get on. When you get a sec will you add .....@gmail to your list of peeps??? Please and Thanks. Love ya!
* Teri Zollinger- Shay, I just wanted you to know that you, and your family, are in my thoughts and prayers. Between a couple trips out of town and stake RS stuff, I haven't been to church forever, it seems like. I have really wanted to put my arms around you and let you know how much I appreciate you. You are one amazing women. You probably hear this a lot, but I really do want to know if there is anything you need that I can do ... other than pray!! I would love to help. Teri
*Kristie and Daisy Poulsen-  Wow lady,  This is no small nut shell, I always just seem to remember your b-day it just seems to be a day that sticks out to me, I always remember it as being the day that Daisy started to walk maybe that is why it sticks, it's been awhile since that happened.
She will be in Jr high in the fall and turning 13, she already acts like a teenager she doesn't need the number, I just pray daily to be a good mom and for her everyday.  She would get along well with Victoria as she loves art in all mediums, painting, drawing and sketching are her favorites, she has signed up for an art class in the fall and is super excited.  She would be in the photography class if 7th graders were allowed, she saved her money and bought a really nice camera and takes it everywhere, I love to encourage positive hobbies.
 Your kids sound amazing I can't believe that Glory is already 4 years old, wow has it really been that long since we have seen each other?  I am glad to hear that they are all doing well and Brett too!  Columbia, that is a huge step when the world is in such ciaos, did they ask you to go or did you sign up for the transfer?   I'm curious how does that work, since you are with the government is there housing like on a military base,  I just want you and your family to be safe while you are on this new adventure.
 How is the chemo going, and if you are willing to share is your cancer severe or did they catch it early enough that is more easily treatable? I am hoping that while it is a challenge in your life that you were blessed with the physical you had to have.
 I am so glad that I followed that prompting I had to write you as I love you and your family and want to be a help and support you in anyway that I can!
Take care and please let me know if there is anything I can do to help. Luv ya!
*Tiffany Sanders- I just wanted to shoot you a quick email because I've been thinking about you.  Praying your recovery is nothing shy of miraculous.  Praying for the comfort of our Lord to be with you.  Praying you know the depth of His love for you in a new and unique way...today.  Praying that you feel the rich blessing of His grace. We love you and are praying with you!  Hugs, hugs, hugs!!! t.
P.S. I keep snickering through the Olympic games...every time I see Michael Phelps I think of Brett.  ;)

Wife #8: Short Brown Bob

This is my Short Brown  (halo) Bob Look! So fun!

Breast Cancer Hat Collection

I have acquired quite an extensive Breast Cancer Hat Collection over the last couple months. Thanks to all my friends who have donated to my cause! LOL I love them! (And I am totally having way too much fun with my camera and my little fleet of bloomin' photographers. Thanks to my kids for helping!) 

How cute am I?

Wife #7: The Short-haired Blonde

The Short-haired Blonde Chick (halo). Cute is me!

Date with a Space(wo)man- Chemo Day# 3

This 1st part is my soap box for a Drug Free World! Feel free to skip down to the picture part for details about my actually Date with a Space(wo)man: Part Three! ;)

I started out my third day of Chemo by meeting with  Dr. Panwalker. My results from my lab yesterday said that my ANC number went up to 5500. (Up from 4900 last time. My immune system must be amazing!) Wahoo me! I even asked Dr. Panwalker to give me a Wahoo! but he just laughed. He asked about how this last time went and did a small checkup. He listened to my breathing, hit me a few times (ok- he really just thumps on my spine to check if it's broken or something? but I like to tease him of abuse), and checked my lymph nodes in my armpits. He also checked out my mouth sore and rolled his eyes when I told him I thought it had started because I had bit my cheek. I really like him but he isn't very sympathetic with my stupidity. We are a lot alike in that way! LOL Guess it's Karma that brought us together. 

I've been meaning to talk to him about the rest of my treatment (radiation and other drugs they want me to take) but wanted to do a little more research, think and pray about it before I did. Over the last couple of years, I have come a long way in being able to talk to people about things that I need to discuss. [I used to just cry like a baby over everything] But for some reason anytime I have to talk to doctors about my health or the health of my family OR talk to teachers about my kids- I get emotional. Argggg! I hate it only because I feel like it makes me look whimpy and less knowledgeable. In fact, last night while I was on my Steroids and couldn't get to sleep, I came up with a great speech to tell him. I should have gotten out of bed and wrote it down. That way I could have just read it to him but unfortunately I didn't so I got a bit emotional instead. Shoot! I told him that basically I should be a Poster Child for "Say NO to Any Drugs!" Besides an occasional Ibuprofen or a cold med, I don't like to take anything. So taking all of this chemo stuff is hard for me. I don't want to be stupid and not get rid of the cancer but I definitely don't want to take more than I need to.

I first told him I was not interested in having any kind of radiation. If the cancer has not spread to my lymph nodes (which so far it doesn't seem to be) and I am leaning towards a bilateral mastectomy then I don't want any radiation. It does so much more damage to your body than I want to do to mine. He seemed to be ok with that.

Next, I told him that after a lot of research, I don't see how Tamoxifen would be beneficial to me. Tamoxifen is a drug taken daily for 5 years. (I haven't check with my particular insurance but it looks like it may cost about $90 a month. What? That is buggy! I can buy a lot of fabric that. Reason # 1 that it does NOT benefit me! LOL) The idea behind the drug is that it blocks the estrogen in your breast tissue that causes my type of cancer to spread. Since, I am leaning towards a bi-lateral mastectomy-- Doesn't that mean I would have no breast tissue to block anything in? Reason # 2 that I don't see the benefit.  Then come all the possible side effects of taking it. Reason #3 for not taking it! Although it blocks estrogen in breast tissue, it can cause growth of it in other parts of your body. Just some of the dark side of Tamoxifen include:

Menopausal Symptoms- (hot flashes, weight gain, osteoporosis, vaginal atrophy, possible permanent amenorrhea (I could see that being a possible benefit. LOL).

Eye Damage-even low doses can cause damage to the retina and corneal opacities and decrease visual acuity (like I need anymore help in making me blind- I'm doing a fine job on my own with that one, thank you ver much! LOL) 

Blood Clots- it can weaken the veins causing all sorts of nasty stuff that happens when they are not strong. In worst cases, it actually says it can obstruct blood vessels to the "lungs that can be deadly and occur with little warning" Oh! Oh! Sign me up for that! LOL

Psychological Symptoms- Depression and inability to concentrate are found in some patients. Interestingly enough, I found out that a lot of the women in the Support Group that are taking Tamoxifen are on anti-depressants. Not sure if any of them are quite the Drug-free Poster Child I am so that may have something to do with it but enough for me to avoid it if I can.

More Cancer- it is toxic to the liver which can cause it damage and possible liver cancer. It also can possibly triple the chances of developing uterine cancer. Oh joy! Let's get rid of the cancer in my breast but give me a different kind so the doctors can keep a job! OUCH! That seems a little harsh on my part but seriously? Drugs suck! Another thing to boot, is that there are studies that say tamoxifen may NOT actually help pre-menopausal women. So far- that is still me!

Others- they also list asthma flares, messing with your vocal cords and supposedly it is classified as a carcinogen. (That can be a bad thing, I guess if it connects with the wrong stuff) All which are NOT things I want.

The tricky thing about drug side effects is the percentages. (and the fact of who it is you are suppose to believe!) Sure all these are possible side effects but at what percentages? Is a "small" percentage ok? Is 3% chance too much? What about 1 in 2000? It's fine if you are the 1999, right? But what if you are the one? Not sure that I want to take the chance if I feel like we're beating this cancer crap anyways! Decisions! Decisions! In one study that I read, they did a tamoxifen/not tamoxifen group and watched them over 5 or years. They only saw a 3% difference in a breast cancer recurrence. I don't know what that would actually mean but for me- it's worth avoiding the tamoxifen and all it's kuckiness! Dr. Panwalker was polite about my soap box (I didn't throw ALL this info at him. Remember I didn't print off my speech? LOL But I did share a few things I could remember) Anywho- he said we would talk about it after the surgery. Ultimately it is my decision so we'll see what happens. At least he know how I feel about it now even if he thinks I'm a cry baby! ;)

OK, I'm finally off the soap box and on with the day-

Back in the Infusion Center, I ran into Linda. She is my new friend I met at the Look Good Feel Better Class. It was fun to chat with her. I gave her a cute Cancer button and a pocket mirror that said, "Does this outfit make me look Bald?" LOL. We made sure we said hi to her throughout the day. She got done way before me! What a good Chemo girl she is! Good luck lady!

During my first 2 Treatments, I was put in a private room. Did they not trust me with others? LOL This time I was let out of solitary confinement and allowed to join a ParTay room. The Roger Maris Cancer Center is currently under construction so it can get pretty crowded. There were 4 patients in my room with lots of curtains being pulled here and there to fit us all in and give us some privacy. If there is such a thing as that in a Infusion ParTay room. LOL But it was fun and different. The patients were there for all sorts of infusion things. Some were very friendly, others... not so much! But it was all good! Not everyone enjoys a good ParTay, I guess! In the far back ParTay room, I started out in a bed but then got kicked out into a chair instead. (OK- they asked nicely and I agreed!)  We got all set up in my squishy corner with my snacks, my phone, my pillows and my gorgeous Chemo blanket. All the nurses LOVED it! Thanks to my dear friends who made it for me!

Nurse Wanda was my Chemo Nurse this time. Funny thing is that she was the quiet (somewhat non-friendly) lady from last time. Whenever the machine beeped last time and my nurse didn't come in to turn it off, Wanda would walk in and without looking or talking to us at all she would shut it off and leave as if no one was in the room at all. KBro and I started putting our hands up by our face to pretend we weren't there when she came in. It was pretty funny! She was still not as friendly as some of my other new nurse friends but she was fine. She didn't kill me at least so that's a good thing! LOL

Because of last times excitement, they gave me an extra Cortisone shot at the beginning as well as my other pre-meds to try to prevent another reaction. Wanda then started the Docetaxel on a very low drip. She didn't seem too concerned so she left right after she got the drip going. Jen N. was telling me a story when I felt my breathing and heart go funny again. I asked her to go grab Wanda. This time I only made it to 14 ml. Dang! By the time they got back to me I could feel my face turning red. Wanda calmly turned off the drip and stared at the machine. Did she realize I was having a reaction?

Without the drug dripping into my IV, the reaction started to subside by itself. At some point, I think Wanda grabbed a couple other nurses and I do remember one asking me if I needed oxygen. By then though, I had got my breathing almost back to normal on my own. Go me! Wanda did put a oxygenator thingy on my finger but I'm not sure she ever even looked at me after that. LOL It was definitely NOT the same reaction from the nurses as last time. Panic level was very low! A little disappointing actually. What do I pay them for? LOL Wanda said she'd go talk to Panwalker and then be back. She didn't even bring in the red box. I could have died, people and she didn't even bring in the red box!! What kind of woman is this??? [I am being a little lot dramatic but it was pretty funny that she was so disinterested in my plight.] When she got back she did bring the red box with her and dosed me up on some meds before starting the drip even slower. She seemed a bit perturbed that the extra Cortisone shot hadn't done the trick. Oh well- I'm a trouble maker. What can I say?

After she started the drip again (on really old turtle speed), we kept getting an "Error of Air" on the machine! Jen and I actually started joking about "Does she even know what she's doing"? The funniest thing is that we found out that she has worked here for 21 years. Yikes! (In all fairness though- she really was fine as a nurse- just not a Katie or anything!)

After my low-panic reaction LOL, some of my little Fam came up to say hi. Justice was at Scout Camp and Brett was home with the girls today. They had gone to lunch with some of Brett's co-workers and were close by the hospital. Glory had colored me a picture and everyone gave me a hug and a kiss. It was funny cuz they didn't stay long but long enough for the little girls to eat all my cheese and bread sticks. LOL Thanks for coming up cute little family!

After my family left, Jen and I got to talk to another Nurse named Lori. She was so sweet! We had a fun chat about my soap box and about Herceptin (another one of the cancer drugs I'm on) being made from mouse ovaries. LOL???? We joked about how maybe herceptin is so expensive because it can be really hard to catch all those mice. LOL  She also gave me some more food for thought on the Tamoxifen thing. Thanks lady! I gave her one of my "I wear Pink for my Patients: Team Shay" buttons. She said she got the chills and was even a bit emotional about it. How sweet is that?
When I finally finished my Kucky drug, I rewarded myself by getting to pick out a couple of hats. They have a cupboard full of hats that have been donated for patients. How fun! I picked out a couple of Red ones! You know- cuz RED is my favorite color! ;)

The rest of the day was pretty much plight-free! Except maybe for the fact that I had to ask for a lunch on several occasions and it came way late. (Not sure if Wanda cared if I ate anything! LOL) AND they brought me ketchup instead of mayo. AND then I accidentally "mustarded" Julie M. name on my quilt. We teased that-- That's what she gets for leaving me! LOL Just teasing you lady! Dang! Hopefully a tide pen at home will fix that. If not- it just adds to the memory! ;)
A big huge thank you to Jen Neuteboom for being my Chemo buddy today! It was so great to have the whole day together. We chatted about fun stuff, serious stuff, saw the one and only picture of her in a pink dress (Jen HATES pink!), and wrote my speaking part for my Positive Clicker Weekend I have coming up in a couple weeks. {Disclaimer- I was highly drugged while I wrote it! It may be an Adventure when I give it  but I think it's pretty awesome! LOL} Thanks for your ideas lady!
After an uneventful drip of Cyclophosphamide and Herceptin, we finally got out of there by 4:30. I know how to stretch out a day, that's for sure! Thanks lady for making the time to spend with me! You're awesome! Even if your dis-passion for pink caused you to break my bag! JK Good thing I am a master fixer seamstress. Luv ya!