This 1st part is my soap box for a Drug Free World! Feel free to skip down to the picture part for details about my actually Date with a Space(wo)man: Part Three! ;)
I started out my third day of Chemo by meeting with Dr. Panwalker. My results from my lab yesterday said that my ANC number went up to 5500. (Up from 4900 last time. My immune system must be amazing!) Wahoo me! I even asked Dr. Panwalker to give me a Wahoo! but he just laughed. He asked about how this last time went and did a small checkup. He listened to my breathing, hit me a few times (ok- he really just thumps on my spine to check if it's broken or something? but I like to tease him of abuse), and checked my lymph nodes in my armpits. He also checked out my mouth sore and rolled his eyes when I told him I thought it had started because I had bit my cheek. I really like him but he isn't very sympathetic with my stupidity. We are a lot alike in that way! LOL Guess it's Karma that brought us together.
I've been meaning to talk to him about the rest of my treatment (radiation and other drugs they want me to take) but wanted to do a little more research, think and pray about it before I did. Over the last couple of years, I have come a long way in being able to talk to people about things that I need to discuss. [I used to just cry like a baby over everything] But for some reason anytime I have to talk to doctors about my health or the health of my family OR talk to teachers about my kids- I get emotional. Argggg! I hate it only because I feel like it makes me look whimpy and less knowledgeable. In fact, last night while I was on my Steroids and couldn't get to sleep, I came up with a great speech to tell him. I should have gotten out of bed and wrote it down. That way I could have just read it to him but unfortunately I didn't so I got a bit emotional instead. Shoot! I told him that basically I should be a Poster Child for "Say NO to Any Drugs!" Besides an occasional Ibuprofen or a cold med, I don't like to take anything. So taking all of this chemo stuff is hard for me. I don't want to be stupid and not get rid of the cancer but I definitely don't want to take more than I need to.
I first told him I was not interested in having any kind of radiation. If the cancer has not spread to my lymph nodes (which so far it doesn't seem to be) and I am leaning towards a bilateral mastectomy then I don't want any radiation. It does so much more damage to your body than I want to do to mine. He seemed to be ok with that.
Next, I told him that after a lot of research, I don't see how Tamoxifen would be beneficial to me. Tamoxifen is a drug taken daily for 5 years. (I haven't check with my particular insurance but it looks like it may cost about $90 a month. What? That is buggy! I can buy a lot of fabric that. Reason # 1 that it does NOT benefit me! LOL) The idea behind the drug is that it blocks the estrogen in your breast tissue that causes my type of cancer to spread. Since, I am leaning towards a bi-lateral mastectomy-- Doesn't that mean I would have no breast tissue to block anything in? Reason # 2 that I don't see the benefit. Then come all the possible side effects of taking it. Reason #3 for not taking it! Although it blocks estrogen in breast tissue, it can cause growth of it in other parts of your body. Just some of the dark side of Tamoxifen include:
Menopausal Symptoms- (hot flashes, weight gain, osteoporosis, vaginal atrophy, possible permanent amenorrhea (I could see that being a possible benefit. LOL).
Eye Damage-even low doses can cause damage to the retina and corneal opacities and decrease visual acuity (like I need anymore help in making me blind- I'm doing a fine job on my own with that one, thank you ver much! LOL)
Blood Clots- it can weaken the veins causing all sorts of nasty stuff that happens when they are not strong. In worst cases, it actually says it can obstruct blood vessels to the "lungs that can be deadly and occur with little warning" Oh! Oh! Sign me up for that! LOL
Psychological Symptoms- Depression and inability to concentrate are found in some patients. Interestingly enough, I found out that a lot of the women in the Support Group that are taking Tamoxifen are on anti-depressants. Not sure if any of them are quite the Drug-free Poster Child I am so that may have something to do with it but enough for me to avoid it if I can.
More Cancer- it is toxic to the liver which can cause it damage and possible liver cancer. It also can possibly triple the chances of developing uterine cancer. Oh joy! Let's get rid of the cancer in my breast but give me a different kind so the doctors can keep a job! OUCH! That seems a little harsh on my part but seriously? Drugs suck! Another thing to boot, is that there are studies that say tamoxifen may NOT actually help pre-menopausal women. So far- that is still me!
Others- they also list asthma flares, messing with your vocal cords and supposedly it is classified as a carcinogen. (That can be a bad thing, I guess if it connects with the wrong stuff) All which are NOT things I want.
The tricky thing about drug side effects is the percentages. (and the fact of who it is you are suppose to believe!) Sure all these are possible side effects but at what percentages? Is a "small" percentage ok? Is 3% chance too much? What about 1 in 2000? It's fine if you are the 1999, right? But what if you are the one? Not sure that I want to take the chance if I feel like we're beating this cancer crap anyways! Decisions! Decisions! In one study that I read, they did a tamoxifen/not tamoxifen group and watched them over 5 or years. They only saw a 3% difference in a breast cancer recurrence. I don't know what that would actually mean but for me- it's worth avoiding the tamoxifen and all it's kuckiness! Dr. Panwalker was polite about my soap box (I didn't throw ALL this info at him. Remember I didn't print off my speech? LOL But I did share a few things I could remember) Anywho- he said we would talk about it after the surgery. Ultimately it is my decision so we'll see what happens. At least he know how I feel about it now even if he thinks I'm a cry baby! ;)
OK, I'm finally off the soap box and on with the day-
Back in the Infusion Center, I ran into Linda. She is my new friend I met at the Look Good Feel Better Class. It was fun to chat with her. I gave her a cute Cancer button and a pocket mirror that said, "Does this outfit make me look Bald?" LOL. We made sure we said hi to her throughout the day. She got done way before me! What a good Chemo girl she is! Good luck lady!
During my first 2 Treatments, I was put in a private room. Did they not trust me with others? LOL This time I was let out of solitary confinement and allowed to join a ParTay room. The Roger Maris Cancer Center is currently under construction so it can get pretty crowded. There were 4 patients in my room with lots of curtains being pulled here and there to fit us all in and give us some privacy. If there is such a thing as that in a Infusion ParTay room. LOL But it was fun and different. The patients were there for all sorts of infusion things. Some were very friendly, others... not so much! But it was all good! Not everyone enjoys a good ParTay, I guess! In the far back ParTay room, I started out in a bed but then got kicked out into a chair instead. (OK- they asked nicely and I agreed!) We got all set up in my squishy corner with my snacks, my phone, my pillows and my gorgeous Chemo blanket. All the nurses LOVED it! Thanks to my dear friends who made it for me!
Because of last times excitement, they gave me an extra Cortisone shot at the beginning as well as my other pre-meds to try to prevent another reaction. Wanda then started the Docetaxel on a very low drip. She didn't seem too concerned so she left right after she got the drip going. Jen N. was telling me a story when I felt my breathing and heart go funny again. I asked her to go grab Wanda. This time I only made it to 14 ml. Dang! By the time they got back to me I could feel my face turning red. Wanda calmly turned off the drip and stared at the machine. Did she realize I was having a reaction?
Without the drug dripping into my IV, the reaction started to subside by itself. At some point, I think Wanda grabbed a couple other nurses and I do remember one asking me if I needed oxygen. By then though, I had got my breathing almost back to normal on my own. Go me! Wanda did put a oxygenator thingy on my finger but I'm not sure she ever even looked at me after that. LOL It was definitely NOT the same reaction from the nurses as last time. Panic level was very low! A little disappointing actually. What do I pay them for? LOL Wanda said she'd go talk to Panwalker and then be back. She didn't even bring in the red box. I could have died, people and she didn't even bring in the red box!! What kind of woman is this??? [I am being a
After she started the drip again (on really old turtle speed), we kept getting an "Error of Air" on the machine! Jen and I actually started joking about "Does she even know what she's doing"? The funniest thing is that we found out that she has worked here for 21 years. Yikes! (In all fairness though- she really was fine as a nurse- just not a Katie or anything!)
After my low-panic reaction LOL, some of my little Fam came up to say hi. Justice was at Scout Camp and Brett was home with the girls today. They had gone to lunch with some of Brett's co-workers and were close by the hospital. Glory had colored me a picture and everyone gave me a hug and a kiss. It was funny cuz they didn't stay long but long enough for the little girls to eat all my cheese and bread sticks. LOL Thanks for coming up cute little family!
When I finally finished my Kucky drug, I rewarded myself by getting to pick out a couple of hats. They have a cupboard full of hats that have been donated for patients. How fun! I picked out a couple of Red ones! You know- cuz RED is my favorite color! ;)
The rest of the day was pretty much plight-free! Except maybe for the fact that I had to ask for a lunch on several occasions and it came way late. (Not sure if Wanda cared if I ate anything! LOL) AND they brought me ketchup instead of mayo. AND then I accidentally "mustarded" Julie M. name on my quilt. We teased that-- That's what she gets for leaving me! LOL Just teasing you lady! Dang! Hopefully a tide pen at home will fix that. If not- it just adds to the memory! ;)
A big huge thank you to Jen Neuteboom for being my Chemo buddy today! It was so great to have the whole day together. We chatted about fun stuff, serious stuff, saw the one and only picture of her in a pink dress (Jen HATES pink!), and wrote my speaking part for my Positive Clicker Weekend I have coming up in a couple weeks. {Disclaimer- I was highly drugged while I wrote it! It may be an Adventure when I give it but I think it's pretty awesome! LOL} Thanks for your ideas lady!
After an uneventful drip of Cyclophosphamide and Herceptin, we finally got out of there by 4:30. I know how to stretch out a day, that's for sure! Thanks lady for making the time to spend with me! You're awesome! Even if your dis-passion for pink caused you to break my bag! JK Good thing I am a master fixer seamstress. Luv ya!
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