Betcha I'm the Only One!

I received this note from my close friend Christine as my Cancer journey began. She so makes me laugh! LOL! We used to do this kind of thing for each other all the time when she lived here. You know- come up with some awesome metaphor or amazing saying that helped us through a hard time. I love it! We'll see if I can keep up with it but it might be fun. I got some really good ones in mind! I'll just keep adding as my journey continues. So check back often. Thanks Christine for my assignment! Luv ya!

"Shay! Thank you for allowing me to read your blog and letting me share in this part of your life. Since you are a great one for finding the positive/humor/choose-to-laugh moments in life, I've decided that you need to get a small notebook (that will fit in your bag) and start making notes for your book. Here's the title... ready?... " Betcha I'm the Only One: Finding the Humor in the Absurdities of Breast Cancer". I'll even get you started... "Betcha I'm the only one who had four men feel my boobs in one day." And... when you're a best selling author and appearing on Oprah and The View, you can thank me by dedicating the book to me. I'll be gracious and accept that.

Seriously, I wish I were closer so I can take your kids when they need to be watched, bring you dinners or just chocolate, and listen to you laugh and even cry when you need to. Love ya lady!" -Christine L.

So, here we go...
Betcha I'm the Only One Who-
* bald, dressed in grey and sporting my sunglasses for our Sunday walk (while holding my Hubby's hand) has to worry about what the neighbors will think of the new gay couple. Thanks a lot, Honey for your judgement of my looks. Luv you, too!
* 's four year old said, "They cut off your boobs but now you look pregnant". OH the honesty of children!
* gets to take a breathalyzer test several times a day.
* has a reverse cleavage. Yes, most women's cleavage is the part that indents. Mine, baby is the opposite!
* gets to have straws sucking my insides out into clear grenades attached to my bullet proof vest.
* 's daughter asked if I lost weight during the surgery and the hubby responded, "Yeah 2 boobs worth"
* gets to wear a bullet-proof vest with side pockets for 2 weeks straight. Fashion at it's finest!
* got my chest autographed by someone rich and famous. (Surgeons are rich, right? and he's now famous in my book)
* got stung by a bee 4 times in my boob just so they could get a good pic of my Sentinel Lymph Nodes.
* 's neighbor kid won't come down to the playroom without asking "Is your Mom's hair grown back yet?"
* has Chemo nurses make excuses to keep me there longer than I need to. I say it's cuz they love me!
* has a hubby that says things that should never be said to a Cancer patient! LOL
* told her Breast Surgeon that nipples are a pain and having them removed is a perk of cancer!
* is grateful for Chemo at least once a month (the same time every month for at least 3-5 days- if you know what I mean. It's a PMS subdue-r)
* can pretend to be some kind of superhero. I think I'll call myself : "Metal Mouth"
* thinks the makers of Preparation H should be awarded for his/her gift to humanity!
* has legs as smooth as a babies bum. (Big Bonus of the Hair losing chemo side effect! Yeah)
* has her own Magic Mouthwash! (Mouth sores suck!)
* can say she has leprosy without being exiled. (I can handle shedding skin but please don't let me lose my finger nails!)
* had her Hubby wax her head with packing tape! What can I say? He loves me!
* has her own Chemo Quilt (Aren't talented friends amazing?)
* has to give pep-talks to her Chemo drugs so they will cooperate!
* loves the Shock Value to others of looking like a completely different person everyday!
* knows what it like to laugh so hard that you cry while sticking your fingers up your nose. (Dang oxygen tubes)
* can say that I had a heart attack, went blind, had labor pains, and was toxic all in the same day but lived to tell about it!
* has to flush twice when she using the toilet.
* shaved her head as a Birthday present to herself.
* got to experience being transformed into a Vampire just like Bella without the morphine!
* sailed through her 1st Chemo treatment with no bad reactions (Go me!)
* could put up a Hazardous Waste sign on her door and be the reason for it!
* asked the Chemo Nurse if she could show me how to go to the Potty! LOL (Oops! I meant how to  
get there!)
* got to watch Word World and listen to a jack hammer while I waited for a Heart Echo!
* had her doctor tell her to get high for her birthday! (Aren't steroids are great!?)
* gets a free boob job! After 4 kids, I apparently need one. LOL (Yeah for insurance!)
* had $560 yanked out of their vagina (totally didn't get my moneys worth from that IUD)
* went deaf getting my picture taken. (Ode to the MRI-ClickClickBeepBeepHonkHonk)
* has their very own self-designated Life Coordinator, Beauty Consultant, a TEAM Jewelery Designer, Massage Therapist, Smoothie Maker and Cancer Researcher! (Aren't friends great?)
* whose husband gets to sleep with a different woman every night!
* has been told politely from several doctors that I have small, "mature" breasts.
* has to carry around a box of tissues wherever I go (not for myself but for everyone else ;)
* had four men feel my boobs in one day!
* caused nation-wide chaos by sending out one simple email.