Another year has flown by!!! I can hardly believe that cancer was ever a daily part of our family's life. I live in a new place, in a new home with new people and new adventures. I forget that not everyone even knows that I'm a Cancer Survivor. But you know--- for me, that's ok. It no longer defines me to the outside world. I am just Shay--- the long haired brunette that works out, spends time with her family, is married to a gorgeous (tall, dark & handsome) man, loves to have people over, decorates for every holiday, plans the occasional party, checks up on friends as often as I can, doesn't craft as much as I'd like, watches too much Netflix, volunteers at the school, serves as the Primary President and loves life (most of the time)!
However- to my inside world- there are days! Days that certain un-explainable aches and pains make me worry a little. An occasional fleeting thought that "when" it comes back, what would I do and what will my family look like without me. A worse-than-ever memory that I contribute partly to "chemo-brain" which my doctors say doesn't exist. LOL A daily shower that is a reminder that part of me was stolen. Every now and then a moment of sadness for the adventure that I missed out on and was replaced with this sorry crappy alternative. Guilt for not acquiring amazing heartfelt empathy for all those with hardships. If anything- sometimes I feel cancer made me expect more of people. Instead of a motto of "Unwavering compassion", I got an invisible tattoo on my forehead that reads, "Suck it up!" For that I feel a little ashamed. Truth is... Cancer sucks! It attacks people for no reason and can't be stopped if it chooses to take you. It changes you even if you don't want it to.
But there is a difference between change and control.
Did cancer change my life?.... absolutely! ...for the rest of my days.
Does Cancer control me? NO WAY! I get to choose every single day to "suck it up!" & live a normal, beautiful, amazing life! That's what I choose!
So... here's to many more adventures in the coming years!
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